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Joshua Alan Doetsch

~ Author & Scrivnomancer

Joshua Alan Doetsch

Author Archives: scrivnomancer

Of Keys & Locks

06 Monday Feb 2012

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autism, awesome, keys, metaphors, the arts, theatre

The arts are important. Not for fuzzy-corny-sappy-flaky, sentimental reasons, but because they are keys to our messy, metaphor-encoded brains. Sometimes the tumblers all click into place.

In Ink & Audio

20 Tuesday Dec 2011

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absinthe, autopsies, Booked podcast, business card, Cask of Amontillado, Clive Barker, first novel, horradorable, Ichabod Knock, interview, Jane Doe, Livius Nedin, Nyx, Perfect Strangers, Poe, review, Robb Olson, Russian, simon meeks, strangeness in the proportion, the Critic, vampires, white wolf, World of Darkness

Would you like to hear a story? This is a good one. And very short. This is the story and the story goes: Simon meets Janie D. at work. She tells him who hurt her. She smiles. This is love. This is rigor mortis.

My first novel, Strangeness in the Proportion, is now available in print. This makes me more than a little giddy, more than a little, “Cousin Larry, we so happy, we do the dance of joy.” Why not buy a copy and share my giddiness?

If we can define power as the degree one affects the universe — and if we agree that buying a book by a mega-popular author (say Steven King) has less effect on his universe (by degrees) than a less popular, less accomplished author — then we can conclude that buying Strangeness may just be the most powerful purchase you make this year.

My tome received a blushingly nice review from the cool cats over at the Booked podcast.

Also did an interview with them the following week.

Not so long ago, I was somewhat worried that no one would like Simon and his scalpels and head full of undead crows and cadaver romancing. But people seem to be falling for the little weirdo. That almost feels more important to me than whether or not they liked the book. Maybe I’m just attached. We’ve been co-living in my head for over half a decade.

I recently ordered some business cards. I can’t resist Poe references. And you should respect my addiction.

To the Russian Clive Barker fans who found this blog via the internet search term “сенобиты” — I say to you:

Здравствуйте и добро пожаловать в этот дом странности.

And remember:

Who says six years of writing about a necrophile doesn’t pay off?

28 Monday Nov 2011

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

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Tags

absinthe, autopsies, Flames Rising, horradorable, Ichabod Knock, James Lowder, Jane Doe, milestones, novel, Nyx, simon meeks, strangeness in the proportion, the beast, Vampire 20th, vampires, white wolf, World of Darkness

It’s milestone time, my lovelies. My first novel is finally up for sale — Strangeness in the Proportion (published by White Wolf). Just tickle the beautiful corpse below:

Boy meets girl.
Boy looses girl.
Boy gets girl back…
…one piece at a time.

To answer a few questions about the book:

· The PDF sells for $4.99. The e-reader formats are not available yet (e-pub, kindle, etc.), but if people get the PDF at DriveThruFiction, those formats will be free for customers once available – they’ll appear as additional downloads.
· Print on demand is on the way, though I don’t know a date or price just yet (stay tuned!).
· Once all of the are formats are sorted out, the ebooks will be available at storefronts like Amazon, B&N, and the like.

And finally, in celebrating Vampire the Masquerade’s 20th anniversary, I have an essay over at FlamesRising.com about how I met the Masquerade. Warning: contains gore, slashers, and me as a grade school boy.

It’s been a long road and a surreal day. I’ve heard a few people, in retrospect, say that Vampire and World of Darkness fandom has been something more than gaming fandom, almost like the fandom for a favorite band. I feel like my favorite band asked me up on stage to play a few sets with them. Rock on.

shop talk

13 Sunday Nov 2011

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just freaking do it, writing

The tentacles that swim under the skin

03 Thursday Nov 2011

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guest blog, halloween, horror, horror writing, Martine, masks, R-Complex, skeleton, tentacles, writing

I’m guest-blogging over at the lovely Martine’s digital house–on horror and the question:

“How can you write this stuff and not get screwed up?”

For the answer to this question–and more–simply tickle the tentacle skeleton below.

Horror of the Plasma Mirror

22 Saturday Oct 2011

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deconstruction, feeling silly, gaming, halloween, horror, mirrors, protagonists, slasher flicks

Defining silly:

Sitting with a friend, watching horror flicks, everyone angrily heckling the protagonists’ every ill choice—and then realizing we had made the exact same mistakes the night before, getting our characters killed during a session of a horror-themed roleplaying game.

So let this be a public service message:

This Halloween season, take it easy on them horror protagonists. They’re having a rough go of it. And perhaps—just perhaps—the critical thinking skills of someone having a hatchet swung at their head differ from the critical thinking skills of someone sitting comfortably on a couch eating pumpkin pie.

P.S. If you find yourself in a horror film, don’t look in the mirror. Seriously. What good can come of that?

Rule #6: Submit to no distractions

06 Thursday Oct 2011

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cats, distractions, horradorable, my cat, Raven, the black cat, the one-eyed cat, writing

“I have to write, I can’t pick you up and cradle you right now.”

“Mrow?”

“You are a lone huntress of the night.”

“Mrow?”

“Claws sharp as crescent moons. Fur black as a bad-bad dream.”

“Mrow?”

“You are a cycloptic, nocturnal predator–you need no one!”

“Mrow?”

“Dammit…”

Twisted Fairytwitters

22 Thursday Sep 2011

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fairy tales, goblins, halloween, hicory dickory dock, horradorable, micro-fiction, nursery rhymes, peter piper, pickled punks, princes and the frog, princess, pumpkin patch, pumpkins, red riding hood, the big bad wolf, twitter fiction, witches

I like twitter fiction. It’s a good exercise for packing in lots of story in tight spaces (which is important at my job, writing video game dialogue in tiny boxes). Also, arbitrary restrictions are the mother-hubbard of creativity. Give me an infinite vacuum and my eyes dilate, and I float about the room with no purpose. Give me restrictions or complications and my creative problem-solving skills get primed. The itchy-itchy sand grain forms the pearl. Find an irritant, and it will make you write things you might not normally have written. A 120 character coffin to cram in is a nice irritant. Here are some bits of twitter fiction I’ve written, on the theme of fractured fairy tales, nursery rhymes, and the like:

  • The clock ate the mouse. Patient is the clock. Waiting is the clock. Churning gore greased gears. Hickory. Dickory. Dock.
  • Peter Piper picked a penny to pay to peek upon a pack of pickled punks and promptly puked at the presentation of misspent spunk.
  • “I swear my first born to thee.” The goblin trades me the glowing key. I then go to my second errand of the day: a vasectomy.
  • Little Dead Wolf-Head Hood walks to grandma’s house, stained axe in hand. Nobody calls her by her old name. Not anymore.
  • They gather once a year at the pumpkin patch, pick goblins in embryo, trade grimoire recipes and gourd-hatching tips. Then, fly away.
  • “Have to go or I’ll turn to a pumpkin,” she said. We laughed. Made out. Then she cried, rolling down the hill, leaving me alone. Again.
  • Wanted a prince. Kissed a frog. Transformation. Consummation. I can feel our thousand young grow under the mucous-slick of my new body.

Revenge Best Served In 100 Words

09 Friday Sep 2011

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

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Tags

100 word story, Bacchantes, Chuck Wendig, flash fiction, maenads, micro-fiction, revenge, sci-fi, short short fiction, time travel

Chuck Wendig offered a challenge to write a 100 word story on the subject of revenge. I gave it a whirl. Many words died to get here, and my keyboard is sticky with their blood. Enjoy!

THE FIVE HUNDRED DAYS

“Illegal time window?” Shadrack laughs. “How many times can a mother watch?”

Windows are costly—calibrated to one person, place, and moment. No help, weapons, or resets.

They savaged me with cyberware fists.

Coughing blood. Hugging child. Failed. Too late.

But there’s a second me, bandaged and crutched. More me’s watch—each a day older, a day more healed. How many times? You can open a window once a day. Each a day more deranged. Shadrack stops laughing when he sees how many days. The eldest lope down like screaming Bacchantes. Shadrack’s thugs come apart in my thousand dripping hands.

Nobody tells this to people who are beginners…

29 Monday Aug 2011

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

creativity, lessons, writing, writing lessons

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