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Joshua Alan Doetsch

~ Author & Scrivnomancer

Joshua Alan Doetsch

Tag Archives: age of conan

Karl and the House of Crom

09 Saturday Jul 2016

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

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age of conan, AoC, Atlanteans, Atlantis, backstory, Beijing, china, Cimmeria, Conan, cosmic horror, Crom, Cthulhu, Cthulhu Mythos, design document, funcom, game writing, HP Lovecraft, Hyboria, Hyborian Age, Karl, Karl Andre Bertheussen, Kull, Lovecraftian, mmo, mmo rpg, Narrative Design, Narrative Designer, Nordic Trolls, Outer God, Re-Roll Entertainment, Robert E. Howard, Sword and Sanity, Sword and Sorcery, Swords Against the Outer Dark, The Dunwich Horror, The Great Old Ones, The House of Crom, The Lurker at the Threshold, The Outer Dark, The Threshold Lurker, Valka, Yog-Sothoth

By Crom! What am I up to in China? I’m hanging out and chatting with the folks at Nordic Trolls/Re-Roll Entertainment about the plethora of new projects coming up. There are some old Funcom faces here. One of them is Karl Andre Bertheussen. Karl and I were narrative partners-in-crime back in my Age of Conan days.

Karl is a narrative designer, a game/gameplay designer of a more storyteller bent, so we always worked well together. We both play to each others’ strengths. Karl is good at coming up with the skeleton structure of a thing, and I’m good at growing all the visceral flesh on that skeleton.

I want to give you all a taste of what our renewed storytelling tag-team will bring in the future, but taking a look at the past. Travel back with me, as the Funcom team arrives in Montreal in 2010…

Karl was now Narative Designer. I was now Lead Writer. Our first big project, where we had narrative control, was The House of Crom. It was a dungeon planned long ago, but never fully implemented. It had some basic story, level design, and some assets. We were told to fix the story, using those assets.

What we inherited:

A spooky, ancient temple, in the mountains of Cimmeria, populated with the immortal remnants of the last Atlantean colony. There was a deathless, insane Atlantean queen. There was a partially finished, giant, tentacled worm monster as the mid-boss. And there was room for a not-yet-designed final boss.

Our initial thoughts:

  1. We wanted to tell a story featuring elements of Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Mythos. Lots of games emulate Lovecraft’s lore, but Robert E. Howard’s Hyborian Age actually occupies a particular Sword and Sorcery corner of the official Mythos.
  2. The Cimmerians don’t go to the House of Crom. They do not even pray to their god (he just gives them the strength to deal with a harsh world at birth). It makes sense, in Howard’s world, to have some Cimmerians point to a mysterious temple in the mountains and say, “Crom lives there.” But they would not visit.
  3. NO IMMORTAL ATLANTEANS. We had already done something similar with an extinct culture in Khitai. It just takes away from the tragedy of Atlantis’s fall. So, instead, they would be the ghostly and undead remains of the last colony, bound to the temple for some unholy reason.
  4. The sleeping, deathless queen was ok though…we just needed a compelling reason for that.
  5. The final boss would be an Outer God from the Mythos. Perhaps Yog-Sothoth. Players would summon and then battle an avatar of this entity through an intricate ritual (with clues scattered throughout the temple).
  6. …then perhaps the mid-boss (the tentacle worm monster) would be a Great Old One?

With those thoughts, we mulled over possible scenarios. Something was missing. And then…I recalled “The Dunwich Horror” and I thought, What if the giant worm monster is the mad queen’s offspring? And then the rest of the pieces quickly fell into place. A grand tragedy. Call it Sword and Sanity. Non-linear storytelling, the player would just get fragments of the ancient events as they explored the horror-haunted ruins.

That project ended up being one of the bits of work that I am most proud of from my time at Funcom. The gameplay and story text never felt so joined — from the clues to the grand ritual at the climax. After Karl and I got all those thoughts into place (after drinking much coffee), I wrote the following backstory that became the official pitch that we based the dungeon around — pulled, now, from my secret vaults. Enjoy!

The House of Crom: A Backstory

A devil from the Outer Dark,’ he grunted. ‘Oh, they’re nothing uncommon. They lurk as thick as fleas outside the belt of light which surrounds this world. I’ve heard the wise men of Zamora talk of them. Some find their way to Earth, but when the do they have to take on some earthly form and flesh of some sort.
—Robert E. Howard, “The Vale of Lost Women”

The thing cannot be described – there is no language for such abysms of shrieking and immemorial lunacy, such eldritch contradictions of all matter, force, and cosmic order.
—H.P. Lovecraft, “The Call of Cthulhu”

It was a time of hardship for the Atlanteans—suffering greater than anything they knew before or would know after. The seas rose and swallowed Atlantis, and the seagulls feasted for months on the rot and stink of bloated souls. The few survivors huddled in the colony on the mainland, upon a mountain that still rose above the deluge. But this sanctuary harbored its own perils. The Picts attacked in ceaseless onslaught. Slipping into barbarism, the remaining Atlanteans realized they risked loosing not only their lives, but their identities, culture, and memory.

The Queen formed a desperate plan. Though their gods seemed to have abandoned them, the Queen contrived to construct a great temple to Valka, chief among the gods and creator of humankind. They would build it on the mountain, touching the sky, and the most learned priests would conduct ancient rituals while the people pray and plead. How could Valka not answer his children? The people believed in the Queen’s plan, for she was the most beloved, most pure—to look upon her or hear her voice was to banish all doubt. So the Queen, the priests, and a contingent of artisans left the colony behind.

They toiled for years. Architects and stone-cutters built the temple, refined it, filled it with statues and wonders. Goldsmiths made endless idols to please Valka. The scholars studied and the priests performed rituals. And still, their god would not answer their cries. Why could they not please him? The Queen calmed her people, soothed their lamentations with her words, saying that at the next ritual, she would clime the ziggurat and call upon the divine directly. The people were pleased, for how could anyone, even the gods, ignore someone so pure, so good, so beautiful as the Queen? Her continence eased all pain. Her words banished all doubt.

But the Queen carried a secret. Though she could protect the people from their doubts, there was no one to save her from her own. The sinking of Atlantis, the loss of her civilization, the suffering of her people had eroded her hope. She could not recall how many failed rituals it took, but at some point she realized Valka would not answer. It was all for nothing—leaving the rest of her people to die at the hands of the Picts, the years of hard toil to build the temple—all for nothing. They would all die and there would be no one to remember them. But how could she tell her people, who so loved and trusted her? So she told them pretty lies and kept them working, and the secret sat in her guts, gathered bile, turned to acid and spite, and ate away her sanity. That is when the Queen began praying to the whisper in the dark, the voice of something…Other—something aroused by the endless chanting of the priests who, in their desperation, used older and older rituals from before the time of any of the Thurian civilizations (perhaps before mankind).

The night she climbed the ziggurat alone, the Queen contacted this being, one of the Outer Gods from beyond the Gulfs of Space and Wells of Night. She made a deal with the creature and felt the icy caress of tentacles reaching from across time and space as the primordial being impregnated her. She came down the steps; hair turned white, and told her people that she had been blessed by Valka with divine conception. She said that there was more work to be done, changes to make to the rituals, and that Valka would come to them to claim his child, and the Atlanteans would be saved. The people believed. They did not doubt their queen. It is easier to believe the lie that one so desperately wants to be true. And for nine months, they toiled on.

She gave birth, in secret, in the Deep Cave. During the grotesque nativity, the midwife died of fright from the cries of the thing wrapped in swaddling. The Queen commanded a trusted adviser to seal her child in the Deep Cave, with five handmaidens to “nurse” the babe. When this was accomplished, she sealed the adviser, the only one to know the truth, in the treasury, with the key to the Deep Cave, to be guarded by magical stone sentinels who would let none pass but her. And that night, she climbed the ziggurat, holding a false bundle of swaddling, and the people cheered for they would finally see the face of their god. The hardships would at last be worthwhile. They conducted the new ritual, and the Outer God came into the House of Valka. The people had just enough time to go mad before each and every one of them died. There was hardly even time to scream.

Millennia pass. The remnants of the Atlanteans devolve into ape-men and evolve into Cimmerians. They do not remember their Atlantean ancestry, but they know the temple is a place of divine beings, and call it the House of Crom, named after their chief god — though none go there. And somehow their culture remembers the notion that it is dire folly to pray directly to one’s chief god. Perhaps, in the distant past, a survivor of the Atlantean colonies stumbled upon the House of Crom and witnessed what lay within. Perhaps the lesson was so horrific it survived in their communal memory, scarred in bas-relief on the subconscious, locked away in the backwater of their animal brains surviving the eroding millennia of evolution.

The House of Crom still stands. The ghosts of its builders still work—they are outside of time, do not even realize they are dead, just continue to toil. The Queen (the mother) is a sleeping beauty; as part of her ancient pact, she is preserved in endless slumber, escaping the knowledge of her horrible deeds in dreams. Her child (the son) still jabbers and wails in the Deep Cave with the dust and bones of the long dead handmaidens, and the key still sits in the treasury. The Outer God (the father) waits in the spaces between, for it is the Lurker at the Threshold. It does not devour the souls of the Atlanteans, but milks them of the energy they create with their perpetual toil and angst, feeds this nourishment to its son. Slumber preserves the Queen, the Queen anchors the souls of her people, and the people feed the child. The life cycle of such beings can take aeons, and the Little Prince is only in its pupa phase. When it is time, the Outer God will release its progeny upon the world. The House of Crom is an elaborate nursery for a tentacled messiah.

Enter the players…

Farewell But Not Goodbye

04 Saturday Jun 2016

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

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Tags

age of conan, career, crossroads, dev stream, Farewells, funcom, Goodbies, job changes, Lead Writer, Live stream, new adventures, scrivnomancer, Secret Worlders, sweetlings, the future, the secret world, the severed hand, twitch, video game writing, video games

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And here I am, moments before shutting off that particular computer at Funcom for the final time. The Severed Hand — my trusty companion of four offices, three countries, two continents, and nearly seven years of video game writing — and I are readying for new adventures.

Quite a day. I wrote a last bit of lore. We did a farewell Twitch stream. We had a little office shindig. Wow. So much to unpack. And I will in the coming days. But right now I’m going to soak it in.

And there will be more news on just what I’m doing after all this. Much to tell. It’ll be posted here. Or keep an eye on my Twitter. Or…if you’d like some other conveyance of such news, leave a comment below and I’ll see what I might get going.

To the future, sweetlings.

PS … HOLY SHIT! Thank you, players and Secret Worlders. All the lovely words and good wishes are enough to give the sort of feels that will ruin a dark horror guy’s brand. Brand be damned! *sniffle*

Creativity & Such

06 Wednesday Feb 2013

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

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age of conan, anthologies, busy!, creative process, creativity, doetsch, durham north carolina, entertainment, funcom, gaming, impending move, imposter syndrome, impromptu trip, interview, memories, Sizigyy, strangeness in the proportion, the creative process, vegas, video game writing, videogames, writing, Writing & Whiskey

Suspicious CharacterBack from an impromptu trip to Vegas. Stories and anthologies spinning like plates. Change in job title. Impending move from Montreal to Durham, North Carolina. More news to come.

Had a lot of fun doing an interview over at Writing & Whiskey.

Check it out:  Josh Doetsch: On the Creative Process.

They’re letting me talk to the pretty people!

20 Tuesday Mar 2012

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age of conan, Conan, Dead Man's Hand, Devcast, funcom, game developers, game writing, mmo, mmorpg.com

Tomorrow night, I’ll be part of live a devcast for Age of Conan (where I do my day-job writing). I and some other game developers will do a live video walk through of the pirate isle known as Dead Man’s Hand, while answering questions. Good old mature gaming fun.

Image

Snake Brains & the Present Bias

23 Sunday Jan 2011

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age of conan, funcom, haikus, Innsmouth Press, James Lowder, Killer Works, long term, novels, Poe, Present Bias, pseudopod, Rise of the Godslayer, short term, snake brains, strangeness in the proportion, The Book of Dead Things, This Endless Present

Writing a novel is the agony of going against every hard-wired stitch of the cross-hatched, multi-billion-year-evolved survival instinct programming of immediate gratification. Writing a haiku, by comparison, is the bliss of being that much closer to the primal, monkey-brained drive that says, “Yes, I want to eat that snake’s head. I want to eat it now!”

I had recent occasion to experience both. I placed in a novel contest and a haiku contest.

Strangeness in the Proportion
Several years ago, I won a novel contest. Between the then and the now, on and off, I worked on various drafts of this novel with the publisher (White Wolf Games) and my editor, James Lowder. It was hard. Really hard. Nearly busted my brain a few times. Nothing for respect for anyone that has gone through this process.

This winter, my big hunk of scrawling became available. My mutant child is all ready for company. It’s called Strangeness in the Proportion.  It is available, currently, as a 17 part serial over at White Wolf’s site.

You can find it HERE.

You can subscribe to the RSS feed HERE.

It’s received some nice comments so far. I will definitely feed it an extra bucket of fish heads tonight.

Poe Haiku
In my convalescence, as I strained foreign objects out of my liquid brains and funneled it back up my nose (using reversed Egyptian techniques), I wrote something much smaller, entering a contest calling for Edgar Allen Poe themed haiku. It was bliss. A quick burst of creativity, pen scratching, emailing, and then input and accolades.

I tied for 4th place.

Here are the haiku I entered:

Thirty-two pearly
I-love-you-nots. So in love,
I can’t hear the screams

Whisper
on your
shoulder.
You know
my name.
Just two
beats of
horror
Per Verse.

The Eight Chained Ourangoutangs!
Dwarf love conquers all,
And smells of burnt hair.

“And I held illimitable
dominion over all.”
Applause.
Red Death sits.
Black Death begins.

They made a mistake
T’was sharp senses, not madness
The heart beats. It waits.

I thank the practice I’ve received from lots of recent twitter-story (short stories in 140 characters) writing. Both forms call for the same discipline in implied story (to be discussed in an upcoming post).

The Present Bias
The human current human brain really isn’t any different than the one that sat in the skulls of our grandaddies n’ mommies who hunted mastodon. That brain still has trouble with the concept of the future. It’s predisposed to the now. That is the Present Bias. Big projects like novels go against that. So when is it worth transcending? When is it worth playing to the strengths of the now (and taking glorious 4th…er…half of 4th)?

Growing pains in the skull, right along the faultiness of the suture-cracks, that’s what you have to look forward too, but the agony is just a reminder that you are on to something better, bigger, if only can keep your focus and—

Mmmmm…snake brains…

Google Me…No One’s Looking…
While we’re on the subject of places stained by my ink, let me list some other places that still feature my writing (as a way of assessing myself in the new year, a time to make resolutions of transcending snake brain mastication).

Over at the This Endless Present (an online publication dedicated to dreams), you can read about a nightmare I had (it’s in the first part of the 3rd issue). I don’t know whether to call the piece fiction, or what I should do with it. I woke up, during my first month in Norway, and jotted it all down, as fast as I could go, before I could forget. I don’t normally have nightmares (especially ones that follow so vivid a narrative). I like it though. There was no overactive self-editor, as I was half asleep. I just wrote.

I have an article on the joys of audio fiction up at KillerWorks.com.

My short story, “Blood, Snow, and Sparrows” can be read in The Book of Dead Things and can also be listened to on Pseudopod.

And still (Still!) I have a short story up at BloodlustUK.com, titled “Varmints”. It is the first thing I ever had published. Be gentle.

These days, my daytime gig is writing video game dialogue and story. For the last year and a half, I’ve worked for Funcom (in Norway and now in Montreal). I write for the Age of Conan MMO, mostly in the Rise of the Godslayer expansion, and on some upcoming material.

Very recently, I’ve been playing with an idea for an anthropamorphic animal story, but not a kids story. I think it has its roots in childhood viewings of the The Secret of NIMH and Watership Down.

That evil rabbit haunted my boyhood as much as any movie monster.

Sleep tight, lovelings.

Montreal & the Legend of Ken

13 Sunday Jun 2010

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

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Tags

age of conan, bios, funcom, ken gallivan, montreal, oliver

I have been in Norway for about a year now, writing dialogue for the Age of Conan computer game. Now, it seems, my pen will take me to Canada as Funcom has offered me a continuing gig at their new game studio in Montreal. I’ll likely start there in August—with a trip home to Chicagoland first.

I have ordered French language learning software.

I have purchased a Molskine Montreal city book.

I’m reading this BLOG.

I’m trying to convince Odin that it’s nothing personal.

I went to a heavy metal bar last night, which seems a fitting thing to do while I’m in Scandinavia. This last sentence doesn’t necessarily fit in with its fellows above, except that it happens to come to mind.

Oliver, a fellow Funcom employee—whom I’ve learned to keep my notepad and pen at the ready around, as he inevitably says things like, “Get away from me with your eyes,” and, “I have a theory that you can brew wine from dead flies,” and, “Don’t bum your dad for an orange!”—has offered to show me around England during my vacation, which I may do for a week, before heading home.

I’ll have pen and pad at the ready.

My Friend Ken: Micro-Biographies Of Genuine Imitation Truth
So, I’ve known Ken since 3rd grade. The older you get, the more important it is to know people who knew you in 3rd grade. Ken made a call for short, humorous bios, to be used while he seeks funding and support and personnel for an independent film he’s piecing together.

I offered the following smorgasbord for him to choose from. I have known Ken for decades and can say that each of these bios is 100% true—they are so true, in point of fact, that each is more true than the last (no matter which order you read them in).

Bio 1
Ken Gallivan was sent back in time to stop Judgement Day—the day hyper-evolved pancakes attain self-awareness and turn on their masters. He can only do  this by making an independent movie. Please, help Ken help you to prevent the Pancake Apocalypse from ever occurring.

Bio 2
Ken Gallivan makes independent films by day, but by night, he fights crime as the Incredible Carlos. His film career funds his gadgets and the preternatural mustache he can only reveal when he sheds his every day disguise—the very mustache that is the line between harmonious order and heinous, criminal anarchy. Please support Ken’s film career. The life you save could be your own.

Bio 3

If you watch just one film made by a dude named Ken Gallivan, this year, make it this one.

Bio 4
Ken Gallivan was raised by wolves. Please support this film.

Bio 5
Ken Gallivan was created by top Scandinavian geneticists in a secret lab under a mile of ice in Antarctica, in a secret project known only as Black Cabbage. He was designed, honed, and perfected to do only two things: make independent films…and slaughter kittens. Pleas support his film career.

Bio 6
Ken Gallivan is a prime number. Please support this film.

Bio 7
Ken Gallivan is a Time Lord. If he is not able to complete this film, he will be unable to acquire the parts to fix his TARDIS and travel to the past to impregnate your mother, and then you will cease to exist.

Bio 8
Once upon a time, Ken Galivan befriended a savage lion by removing a thorn from the beast’s paw. And if you do not support this film, that lion will fucking eat you.

Bio 9
Ken Galivan is handsome and has a rapist’s wit. Please support this film.

Bio 10
Ken Gallivan is the name of Joy in the hearts and minds of all children. His passing brings peace and the gentle scent of cinnamon. The bears of the north woods call him “forever friend” in their ancient tongue. And though the crocodile lords of the south hate him, dammit, they respect him. Please support this film.

Bio 11
In the time it took you to give blood today, you could have seen Ken Gallivan’s movie. Twice.

To the right of the flack jacket, just past the roman helms, and next to the live tarantula…

24 Monday May 2010

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

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Tags

a space odyssey, age of conan, chinatown, dr. sbaitso, fossils, fraggle rocks, funcom, gamle aker kirke, golden age of video, hit girl, international jewel thief, lawrence of arabia, norway, norwegian constitution day, oliver, oslo, the pentagon, trilobites

The adventure in Norway continues.

I played video games in a graveyard, had a near hallucinatory experience with the Fraggle Rocks, saw the monolith on the big screen, and found fossils in the woods.

But enough cryptic foreplay…let’s get to it!

Goblin Markets, Fraggle Rocks, Strange Days
Several Saturdays ago, I rolled out of bed, at noon, stumbled into some clothes, and made the walk to grab a coffee at the corner shop. I found the main road closed and full of people in a sort of Norwegian sidewalk market fest. I decided to explore it for a few hours.

Sometimes getting a coffee can be an adventure.

Lots of little shops. Some cool paintings sold on the sidewalk. Various yummy smells. Various fishy smells. A large area of sidewalk was taken over by a radio station doing a promotion. They had this big ramp, covered in snow, with various kids doing ski and snowboard tricks, on the warm, sunny day. I didn’t understand what was said, but it looked fun. The boarders/skiers ranged in age, up to late teens, but the one who rocked the best tricks, and with the most confidence, was the youngest looking, a little girl. She was like the snowboarding version of Hit Girl.

That night, I went into the Funcom office (I go to work to play my video games) to play Conan with some folks from the US. With the time difference, I didn’t get out of there until 3 a.m. And what do my bleary peepers spy when I get to the street?

A bus. Not a normal bus. This bus is rocking. And there are weird lights and mist coming out of it. And loud, ribcage-rattling dance music is pulsing forth from it. In fact, it looks like there is a night club in a pocket dimension, within the bus, full of people dancing. And, as my eyes adjust, I see what it is painted along the whole outer body…scenes depicting the Fraggle Rocks.

Before I could pinch myself, the bus drove off into the Norwegian night.

And where is the magical Fraggle bus now? ‘tis a mystery…***

Womb Breach Day
The end of April saw me turn 31. This means I am just old enough to play a high school kid in Hollywood.

To celebrate, I took my new PSP and went and did what I could never do with past game systems—I played Castlevania, at night, in cemetery by a medieval church built by a viking king. It’s the little things.

The Monolith and the Trilobites
So this one time, a great-uncle of mine found this bone, and smashed this other dude in the head for messing around at his waterhole…and the rest is prehistory…

Through some cats at work, I found the movie theatre that film geeks go to here in Oslo. I have since watched 2001: A Space Odyssey and Lawrence of Arabia, and Chinatown, on the big screen, in 70mm. Loud sound too. I could feel my hair flying back at the height of the 2001 theme.

All in all, I think I could have beaten HAL. Back in the early-mid 90s, I had a face-off with an artificial intelligence by the name of Dr. Sbaitso. Let’s just say…I’m the one still standing.

A few Sundays ago, I went with Oliver, another workmate from Funcom, out fossil hunting. Based on the memory of a hand drawn map that he saw on a WEBSITE, we took a train and hour+ out of the city, then walked for about four miles, looking for some rocks that didn’t look much different than the surrounding miles of rocks, but contained fossils. My hopes weren’t too high, but it was nice scenery. And yet…WE FOUND ‘EM!

We didn’t just find a fossil, but lots and lots of fossils, mostly trilobites (which are arthropods, not a rejected Clive Barker movie monster). One of the fossils now sits on my desk.

Also, a raven (not a city crow…but a real raven) circled above us and croaked a few times.

I am all that is paleontologist!!!

We also saw this:

That’s right! It’s the Aass Brewery. When you taste that distinct, robust, full-bodied flavor…you know you’re in Aass country.

It’s All About Getting the ExP
Do you think anyone will notice that, on my LinkedIn resume, I list one of my past jobs as Infamous International Jewel Thief?

Age of Conan: Rise of the Godslayer

The MMO computer game expansion I’ve been writing on for the last 10 months came out about two weeks ago.

There was a party–my first game launch party. There was much libation. I ended up at various places, and then a long walk home in the early AM (with detailed instructions on where not to walk).

Oslo, May 17th
May 17th is the big national holiday here in Oslo, and I went out and experienced just how many people can fill these city streets. Yikes. Many people were in traditional garb and it was rather interesting. I would have preferred viking helmets and mead-filled skulls, but then, who wouldn’t?

The Pentagon
Saturday I tried to make a trip out to the Comic Book Library here in Oslo…but it was closed for the holiday weekend. Looking about and finding myself in a foreign city (this happens every few hours, think Momento, only I don’t have any nifty tattoos for help) I decided to explore. I eventually stepped into a shop with army surplus, roman helms, tommy gun air rifles, a rubber alien set up in an alien autopsy scene, swords n’ knives, and yes, a live tarantula.

This was convenient as it was exactly the store I was looking for.


Some Tweeted Thoughts and Meditations Over the Last Few Weeks

*No, that is not a tear in my wrinkled shirt; it’s my ragged scarecrow chic.

*When life hands me lemons, I make poorly executed metaphors.

*Hate ironing. If you don’t have any wrinkles, rumples, or patches, how do you even know you’ve lived?

*Found out I’ll be a bridesmaid. Strange days. Never know what I’ll be doing or on what continent anymore. Does this make me a bridesman?

*I’m sometimes tempted to write under the name Jack Fatuus…or Haph Hazard…or Penethorne Scrivensworth…or Icky Knock (short for Ichabod).

Howzabout a Moment of Zen?
Watch this. You really should. I wouldn’t lie. Not to you.

 

[***Note: I have since learned the reason for the Fraggle bus, but don’t want to spoil the mystery for you, just yet.]

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"Harlow's Fairytale" "snow "The Mulligan" "Where I'm From" "Why I Write" #vss 3 am 3-D 3-Doetsch 5th ed 5th edition 7-11 18th ammendment 21st Ammendment 100 word story 666 826LA 911 @Suitov Abandon all hope ye who enter here absinthe accents acid blood acting actual play act your age adam west adaptation Adrienne Adverbs advice africa afterlife after school program age of conan air guitar alchemy alcohol Alice & Smith Alien alien franchise Aliens Allfather alligators all saints day Alphabet alternative writing altruism Amanda Gowin Amanda Palmer american gods amphibians Amy Sweet Anders Manga androids and sparrows" angels anger Anime anthologies anthology Anthony David Jacques anti-angst AoC apocrypha arcana archetypes ARG Arsène Lupin a shadow in the shape of wonder a space odyssey aspiring writers Atlanteans Atlantis atrocity auctions audacity audio drama audio fiction autism autopsies autopsy autumn autumnal Avalon LARP Stuido away awesome Axel Taiari Azazel baba yaga babies Bacchantes backstory banality Banderstatch Cumberbun banned books Baphomet barbarian bard bass Bauhaus bauhaus bela be a patron beautiful sadness Becket's Jyhad Diary Beckett Beelzebub beginnings Beijing Bela Lugosi Bela Lugosi's Dead Belial bell tower Benedict Cumberbatch beowulf Beth Barnes beware bible Bigfoot big head Bill Cosby bios birds birthday black bones black cab black cat black cats blah-blah blood Blood and Smoke Blood and Smoke: the Strix Chronicle Bloodletting On the Kiss Bloodlines 2 blood snow and sparrows Bob Pastorella bogs Booked. Anthology Booked podcast book of dead things books book signing book titles Bright September British Brits Broken Eye Books broken toys broken wings brown cheese bug facts bugs bugs are cool building up burritos business card busy! cadaver cadavers cafe aeon cafeteria Caleb J Ross call me Ishmael Call of Cthulhu Call of Cthulhu RPG Calvin and Hobbes Cameron Pierce Cameron Rice candles Captain America captain power card trick career carinogens Carmen Sandiego Carnival of Lost Souls Caroline Pruett Cask of Amontillado cat eating cats cemeteries chad baldwin changelings changes Chaosium character building character making charity charlton heston cheat Chicago Chicago by Night chicanery chicken childhood home childish things children china chinatown Chloe Myaskovsky Chris Deal Christa Nahhas christmas Christmas horror Christmas Vacation Christopher J. Dwyer Christopher Shy Christopher Walken Chuck Wendig Cimmeria clans Classic World of Darkness cleric Clive Barker Closed on Account of Rabies cockatiel coffee coffee grounds coffee mug coffee shop of horrors college comedy comedy cliches comic books comic con comics Comixology con Conan conjurer convention copy-editing coraline corbies cosmic horror coventry carol coyote howls Craig Clevenger Craig Wallwork crazy thoughts creative process creativity creep creepy doll crime photos Crom crossover crossroads cross roads crows crucifixion Cthulhu Cthulhu Idol Cthulhu Mythos culinary heretic cumberbatch custom miniartures cute robots cuttlefish ink cyborgs D&D dad Daeva Danielle Doetsch dante Dark City darkened room dark holidays darkness dark scribe magazine Darren Thomas Dashiell Hammet dating apps Dave David Accampo David James Keaton david logan day dreams day of the dead Dead Man's Hand death death deities deathly bloom deception deconstruction dee design document despair Devcast deviations Devil dev stream diabeetus Diabolus Diamond Previews dice dildos distractions DJ Psywarrior DnD DnD 5e Doctor Doom doctor visit doetsch Don Knotts? Don Thacker double-decker pizza Douglas Klauba Dr. Doom dr. jekyll's pub dr. logsdon dr. sbaitso Dr. Skallymagtanomous Dracula Dragonball Z dragonborn drama draugr dream for the stars dreamlands dreams drinking driving duality Dungeons and Dragons Dunkin' Donuts coffee durham north carolina early birds earworm East Coast Games Conference eating right ecgc Eddy Webb Edgar Allan Poe editing egoism egomania Ellen Ripley endings entertainment epic poetry epics Eric Cherry escape artist etsy etsy shop Eureka Eureka College everglades evil corporation excalibur exorcist experiment at work eye eating facebook fairytale fairy tales Fall familiar family far away Farewells father Father of Lies Fathers Day fear fedora fedoras feeling feeling silly Fhtagn fiction Fifth of December fighter film financial nightmare first novel firsts Flames Rising flash fiction florida Followers of Set forbidden lore forgiveness is feline fork in the road fossils fountain pens fraggle rocks Fred Venturini free writing frustration funcom fundraiser funerals game convention game developers game geeks Game of Thrones game writers game writing gaming gamle aker kirke Gandalf the Gray Gangrel gargoyle urinals Geekery geeks geek talk GenCon gen con GenCon 2016 GenCon Writer's Symposium genenda Gene Wilder George Ella Lyon George Orwell Geronimo! getting paid ghost ghost plasma ghosts ghost stories ghost tour gift button glowing eye GMC GMCs gnoll goblins godzilla golden age of video Goodbies good policing Gordon Highland Gorillaz gothic gothic decor gothicfest goths gourds grabthar's hammer graft grammar grammar nazi grandfather grandma and grandpa grandpa grandparents grave robbing graveyards great grandparents Grichels grind house grosse pointe blank growing up guest blog gypsies H.P. Lovecraft Habit Forming Films hagfish haikus Haint Blue halfling halloween hallucinations hand crafts hanging tree Harlan Ellison harlow Harry Potter haunted card haunted cards haunting haunts HBO Heifer International Hemingway Herman Melville Hero Forge hicory dickory dock high school high school reunion hit girl Hob ho ho ho holding my breath till the sky comes back holiday fiction holiday horror holidays home homesick homestead horradorable horror Horror on the Orient Express horror writing Hound of Tindalos House Banner House Monsanto house words hovedoya HP Lovecraft Hyboria Hyborian Age Iblis Ichabod Knock Icky Facts Icky Knock Icky truth if you're good at something Iggy Pop Illinois iLLOGIKA I might need therapy impending move imposter syndrome Impostor Syndrome impromptu trip In-Between: A Halloween Poem Indiana Jones Indianapolis indi film indigo snake indirect inferno inhuman race inidgo snake Inigo Montoya ink in my head inner editor Innsmouth Press inputs insanity insect facts insects inside my head insomnia international jewel thief interview interviews introspection ipad iron man island lake island of bones isolation italian spiderman Jack O' Lanters Jack Skelington James Lowder Jane Doe Jay Stringer Jeremy Rogers jet-lag Jim Henson Jim Henson's The Storyteller joanna tweedy job changes john johnny law Joshua Alan Doetsch just doing my job just freaking do it justice league of america karisa Karl Karl Andre Bertheussen ken gallivan kenning Kevin Lynn Helmick keys Key West Kickstarter Kickstarter campaign Killer Works kindle Kull Kölski laboratory Lake Michigan late night late night thoughts Latveria lawrence of arabia laziness Lead Writer lenore lessons LGBT LGBT characters libraries Lieutenant Ellen Ripley Lieutenant Ripley life life choices lifestyle literature Lit Reactor little sister livestream Live stream living abroad Livius Nedin Loch Ness Monster london times long term Lord of the Flies Lore of the Clans loss lovecraft Lovecraft. H.P. Lovecraft Lovecraftian Lovecraftian Mythos Lovecraft Mythos love story Lucifer lyrics macabre Madness Madness On the Orient Express mad science mad scientist maenads magic magic convention Magic Dreams Wood Lore magician magician's wand magicians Magic Mark magic patter magic show magic show patter magic tricks magic wand magic wands making friends making necrophelia cute again Malcolm malfunctions Maltese Falcon manipulative Mark Doetsch Mark Rapacz mark the magician Marlowe Mars Marshall Finch marsupial Martine Martine Svanevik Marvel Comics masks Mastema Matthew C Funk matty & sara Mawahaha! me medieval times Mekhet Mel Addams Melmacian cousine memories Mephistopheles message in a bottle metaphor metaphor drinks metaphors MGMT Mi-go Michael Bielaczyc Michael Paul Gonzalez micro-ficiton micro-fiction midgets midnight walks Midwinter LARP Mike Mignola milestone milestones milkshake miniatures minotaur mirrors misfits misfit toys M is for... mmo mmo rpg mmorpg.com Moby Dick mom moment of your time Monsanto montreal mood swings Moons Birds & Monsters Moons of Madness morbid fairy-tales morgue Morticia Addams mother hubbard mothers against mothers day Motivational Growth motives to write mourning movie movie reviews movies moving Mr. Inbetween Mr. Wednesday music musings mustache twirling mwahaha my apartment my book my cat my dad my diseased imagination My fiction in Review my life as comedy my perspective my sexual anger my sister myspace myth of the sell-out mythos my wacky family my wares my writing names nancy perkins nanowrimo nany n' papa Narrative Design Narrative Designer nazis necrophile negatively defining neil gaiman nerds nerdy new adventures new job New Years New Years resolutions nibs nick Nick Doetsch Nick Nocturne Nicola Tesla nightmare before christmas nightmares Night Mind night owls Nikki Guerlain Nik Korpon Nithmare Before Christmas noir non profit groups Nordic Trolls Norma Tanega Norm Sherman norse mythology norway norwegian constitution day Norwegian Fjords Nosferatu no shave february nostalgia nothing goes to waste novel novel outline novels Nox Arcana nursery rhymes nutrition Nyarlahotep Nyarlathotep Nyarlatophat Nyx October October Country oddities odin office talk ogres Oh Bela! Old Hob Old Scratch oliver Ollivanders one-eyed cat one-eyed cats One World of Darkness Onyx Path Onyx Path Publishing open letter Open letters optimus prime Orient Express oslo oslo house of literature Outer God Outer Gods outputs outstanding graduate thesis packing up panel discussion papa paper Paradox parenting done right parks passive aggression passive aggressive Patreon Patreon Page Patrick Rothfuss patrons patron system Paul Montgomery Paul Tremblay Pela Via pen 'n paper pen and paper rpg pen as murder weapon Pen n' paper games Penny penny dreadful Perfect Strangers peter piper pet grooming pets pet shop phone sex pickled punks Picture Pages pictures Pink Elephants pink penguins pirates Pirates of Pugmire pissed off plan 9 from outerspace playing card games playlists podcast podcasts Poe poem poems politics ponderings portrait positively defining pottery pound of flesh prayers predatory Present Bias princes and the frog princess printer's row prizes procrastin procrastination Prohobition promotion protagonists pseudopod Psuedopod psychopomp publishing Pugmire pumpkin head pumpkin patch pumpkin pie pumpkins questionaires Quixotism quotes R'lyeh R-Complex radiohead raffle rambling random random musings rao Raven ravens Raven the cat Raven the one-eyed cat ray bradbury Raymond Chandler RBC RBC bank RBC Bank Canada RBC bank US Re-Roll Entertainment reading readings read poster reality reality blur real world red eye red heart reding red lion pub red riding hood reese regret relationships relics Remember remember Renfield Repeal Repeal Day resolutions revenge review rewrite rhyme Richard Thomas riding dinosaurs Ridley Scott Ripley Rise of the Godslayer Robb Olson Robert E. Howard robots Rocco rock band rock lobster Rock Pocket Games Roleplaying roleplaying game romance Rose Bailey rotten core Royal Bank of Canada RPG ruin ruins Russian sad Sammael Sam Spade Santa Santa Claus sara joy Satan scalpel scam scarecrow gods scars scary puppets scary top hat schedule sci-fi science fiction Scott Gable scrivener scriveners scrivnomancer scrivnomancy scully Sean Ferguson Secret Worlders see what I did there? self-doubt sentient word virus serialized novels Seth Harwood severed hand sex sex games shades Shadow Shaitan Sherlock short short fiction short stories short term should I learn French? Shub-Niggurath siblings Sig House signed novel Signing signings silent bob simon meeks Sizigyy skeleton skewed view skull beads skullduggery skulls slasher flicks sleep sleep deprivation sleeping mind Sleepless Lullaby sleep stealing sleight of hand slip n' slide smog snake brains snakes snow-blood-and-sparrows social network something wicked this way comes songs sorcerer souls unsure soundtrack space Sparrow & Crowe Sparrow and Crowe speed writing spider-man spirits spoils spooky spooky basements spooky dolls spooky stories springfield St. Anthony st. louis stage magic stage writing Stained Windows Stephen King steve stories storytelling strange encounters strange love strangeness in the proportion strangers strange tales street food stub stuck in my head subconcious sugar glider sugar skulls suicide suicide prevention sum up sundance supernal realms supernatural supervillains survival instinct suspect Suzanne Church sweetlings swindle swine flu swing state Sword and Sanity Sword and Sorcery Swords Against the Outer Dark symmetry tabletop table top games table top gaming tabletop rpg Tabletop Tuesday talking someone down talk nerdy to me Tamtams tarot tarot cards tarot deck technical difficulty tell-tale heart Tender tentacles The 500 Days of Ms. Between the arts theatre the beast the best four days of gaming the big bad wolf the black cat The Book of Dead Things The Call of Cthulhu The Cannibal Lovers the classics the craft the creative process The Creepy Doll the Critic The Crow The Cyborg Whale the dead The Deciever The Destroyer The Drabblecast The Dunwich Horror the emerald green glow The Endless Night: A Valentine to Film Noir The Enemy The Father of Lies The Five Hundred Days of Ms. Between the fixer The Flatulent Astronaut The Followers of Set the frog prince the future the graveyard book The Great Old Ones the great pumpkin The Grinning Roadkill the holidays The House of Crom the immigrant experience the Joker the King in Yellow The Little Sister The Lurker at the Threshold the moment the nightmare before christmas the Nostromo the one-eyed cat The Outer Dark the painted boxing glove the pentagon The Poison Tree The power of Christ Compels you! The Raven the red lion pub the road again The scary house that was not haunted The Secret Podcast the secret world the severed hand the storyteller The Streaming Ones The Tailor The Tell-Tale Heart the three-headed salamander who lives in the mirror The Threshold Lurker the UK the wand chooses you The Whisperer in Darkness The World of Darkness This Endless Present thoughts Tiffiny Kaye Whiteney Tiffiny Kaye Whitney tilting at windmills Tim Burton time travel Timmy Wood Tina Jens toe toe-tag bookmarks toe tags tombs Tombstones tom cruise Tomorrow's Cthulhu too much awesome top hat top hats torrie towers training transhumanism transition travel treadmills tree corpses Trees trilobites tropics True Detective truth TSW tv pilot TW Brown tweet stories twilight twilight tales twisted fairytales twitch twitter twitter fic twitter fiction Twitter Roleplaying Tzimisce uis undead undead santa undead trees underworld unrepentant thief urban fantasy V-Day V20 vacation val Valentine's Day valentines valhalla Valka Vampire Vampire 20th Vampire: the Masquerade Vampire: the Requiem vampire Beckett vampires Vampire the Masquerade 2nd ed Vanilla Sky vegas vegetables Venereal Day Ventrue video video game dev videogames video games video game writing vikings viking ships villains Vincent Price vincent van gogh visual display voice acting voice over work voices in my head Voland volo bog voodoo voodoo soccer VtM VtR walks wand wandering wand shop warforged warning warnings wayfaring weddings Wednesday Addams weight loss weird fiction weirdness weird romance weird stories weird thoughts Weird Winter weird winter stories Welcome ladies and gentlemen! Westmount Westmount Park whence I came white hen white rabbit white wolf white wolf novel who & whom whom whoops! wil wilford brimley winds of change winter winter holidays winter horror winter stories Winter Vacation wisdom witches wizard's wand wizards WoD word jazz work working at a game company working out Worldbuilders Worldbuilders 2012 World of Darkness World of Warcraft world war ii world war iii Wormwood Wormwood: A Serialized Mystery Wormwood: A Serilized Mystery writer's block writer's round table writers Writers Symposium writing Writing & Whiskey writing advice Writing bio writing exercise writing lesson writing lessons writing magic routines writing news writing shop talk writing space WTF? www youtube x-files Xander Crowe xenomorphs Yog-Sothoth Yoka T Yorkshire Pudding you're dead Young Frankenstein your & you're youtube yule Yuletide yummy praise zombie apocalypse zombies zombpocalypse Zues

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