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Joshua Alan Doetsch

~ Author & Scrivnomancer

Joshua Alan Doetsch

Category Archives: Uncategorized

Who Did Whom?

03 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

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grammar, grammar nazi, lyrics, milkshake, who & whom, whom, your & you're

My proper use of “whom” brings all the grammar nazis to the yard.

And they’re like, “You know ‘you’re’ and ‘your!’”

Damn right, I know “you’re” and “your.”

I could teach you, but I’d have to charge.

Calling a Lovecraft a Spade

19 Monday Nov 2012

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

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Tags

crossover, Cthulhu, Cthulhu Idol, Dashiell Hammet, Douglas Klauba, H.P. Lovecraft, lovecraft, Maltese Falcon, Sam Spade

See that empty space between the Maltese Falcon and the Cthulhu idol? That’s where I want to live.

Regret or Not To Regret?

23 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

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Tags

Geronimo!, ponderings, Quixotism, regret, the moment

Recently, there was a conversation amongst friends regarding two different philosophies on regret.

Let’s call the first philosophy “No Regrets!” This is the desperate defiance toward regrets in life, grabbing each moment by its invisible genitals till it submits and allow no regret to creep in. And should you suffer some hard memories and defeats, you then realize you needed those low blows to become who you are.

Let’s call the second philosophy “Shit Happens.” No matter how you spin it, you will experience things that you will later wish you had done differently. This is alright. This is an important realization. You will have bittersweet sadness. Regret will form as barnacles on the hull during your journey. This is inevitable.

I find both philosophies useful (if the brain can compartmentalize them). In repose, one should realize the latter. But in the moment, in motion, one should live the former. If one just follows the second philosophy, accepts regret a little too fully, it becomes all too easy to let go of the things we really want to accomplish (when the going gets tough and we have to stray away from comfort zones and expectations) by preemptively labeling and packaging those things as the future regrets that…well…are just a part of life.

Better to accept no compromise to regret in the present. There’s plenty of time, after the fact, to pick up the shards and label them. We can store the bittersweet in the back of the brain, while letting the Quixotic gallop out of the front of our skull.

Geronimo!

Harlan Ellison on writing…

13 Saturday Oct 2012

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advice, getting paid, Harlan Ellison, if you're good at something, the Joker, writing, writing advice

Ode To a One-Eyed Cat

12 Friday Oct 2012

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black cat, broken toys, deviations, malfunctions, misfit toys, misfits, my cat, oddities, one-eyed cat, Raven, scars, symmetry

Give me the misfits.
Give me the malfunctions.
Give me the broken toys.
Give me these charming scars.
These pretty deviations from symmetry.

Thoughts From a Level 33 Scrivnomancer

20 Thursday Sep 2012

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act your age, comic con, musings, scary top hat, thoughts, top hats

Sir, I disagree.
I think my age
should act like me.

What’s Going On

10 Monday Sep 2012

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anger, autumn, beautiful sadness, Fall, halloween, lifestyle, October

Mostly, I’m pissed off at the “beautiful sadness” people seem to think they are required to achieve in life.

In other news: Halloween is coming!

I Am A Nasty Abstract

07 Friday Sep 2012

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

comedy, dad, entertainment, ghosts, haunted card, magic, Magic Mark, magic tricks, mark the magician, spirits, spooky, video, voice acting, Welcome ladies and gentlemen!

My dad is a magician, and I sometimes write routines and dialogue for his shows. This is a bit I wrote for a show he did recently in St. Louise. I also did the voice work, playing the part of a haunted card. The camera work is not great…but enjoy!

Where you from?

29 Wednesday Aug 2012

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

"Where I'm From", bogs, Chicago, childhood home, coyote howls, double-decker pizza, Dunkin' Donuts coffee, everglades, family, George Ella Lyon, grandma and grandpa, grandparents, great grandparents, Illinois, island of bones, Jack O' Lanters, Key West, mark the magician, memories, nostalgia, October Country, playing card games, poem, pumpkin pie, skull beads, St. Anthony, sugar skulls, tropics, vacation, Vincent Price, whence I came, writing exercise

There is a writing exercise you might try over HERE. It takes a George Ella Lyon poem, “Where I’m from,” and turns it into a sort of advanced ad-libs, where by you fill in some info and describe the places/people/events that formed you. My attempt is featured below. If you try your hand at it, post the result in the comments. I’d like to see where you’re from.

EDIT: Thanks to Martine for showing this to me.

-WHERE I’M FROM-
by Joshua Alan Doetsch

I am from the goblin roads, by the bog, where early A.M. mists tickle hands hanging out passenger windows, a thousand degrees colder than the surrounding summer night—from Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and the grinnin’ skull-bead bracelets my mother makes for me.

I am from the house with the shrieking-turquoise garage door, the tropical biosphere interior, impossible anomaly of the Midwest—waxen, Vincent Price sideshow bedroom—glamour photography by dad. From the wooded, backyard deck, the iron fire pit, listening to audio fiction, punctuated by coyote calls that sound like the second, fifth, and ninth steps of going insane.

I am from the whispering leaves, the groans-by-night corn.

I am from Jack O’ Lanterns picked fresh from the patch, at Great Grandma and Grandpa’s farm and playing card games by candlelight through tornado warnings, from my father, Mark the Magician; and my mother, Renee the Potter; and my brother, Nick the Pirate; and my sister, Danielle the Scream Queen—and every cross-hatched eccentricity—Bradford to Bradford—Doetsch by Doetsch.

I am from photographing gators in the Glades of Ever and walking ghost tours in Key West, which is really Cayo Hueso, which is really “Island of Bones,” which is really full of t-shirt shops and frozen drinks.

From the prayers to St. Anthony to find all things lost and the chewed stubs of the whole carrots left out for Santa’s reindeer the night before.

I am from the Catholic cross, the confessional, the Body and Blood. And then from the rum prayers, the happy macabre, the sugar skulls that hummed voodoo hymns to me on every Caribbean pilgrimage.

I’m from October Country, Chicago’s shadow, and Ray Bradbury dreams remixed—pumpkin pie and double-decker pizza that was divine until the restaurant owner was knifed by her son.

From the great grandparents, Lord and Lady of the Patch, who contrived a big sleep of exhaust, in a car in a parking lot—when their minds and bodies began to go—together forever, and the other great grandma, Mima, who was a writer, who told me to write, who died while I was away, waking to our van surrounded by bison in Yellowstone.

I am from inside my head, where I hang it all so prettily upon my hueso walls.

Meanwhile, in Latveria…‏

28 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by scrivnomancer in Uncategorized

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Tags

atrocity, comics, Doctor Doom, Dr. Doom, Latveria, Marvel Comics, Mawahaha!, moment of your time, mothers against, non profit groups, supervillains, villains

“Excuse me, Doctor…uh…Doom? Can I have a moment of your time? I’m calling from Mothers Against War, Anguish, Hellaciousness, Anger, Hate, and Atrocity.”

“Mawahaha!”

“Yes, that’s us.”

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