Good legal news I suppose:
I’ve received more than a few tickets in my driving career. It’s not that I’m a very reckless or speedy driver . . . I just have very bad luck with cops. With my last two tickets, they even asked if I had drugs and weapons. Maybe it’s the long hair or maybe I’m giving off super-criminal vibes, I don’t know . . . cause guns make me nervous and the strongest thing I do is Pepsi.
Well this last ticket (my speedometer broke but the cop still showed little mercy) put me in the danger zone of getting my license suspended (3 tickets in a year). So I hire a lawyer and for $150 dollars he thinks he can get the ticket reduced or better. So I do so.
Good news! He talked to the states attorney and I get the thing knocked down to supervision (which I technically shouldn’t get) and all I have to do is pay the court $150. Hurray! But then I think, wait a second. He just talked with the guy. No court or anything. So my ticket and violation really weren’t that important to begin with. It’s all just a money transaction under the guise of safety for the road. In the end both parties get an equal share of MY money . . . so they aren’t combatants (as I originally pictured the whole struggle) with one side defending me and the other attacking. No, it’s a nice smooth operating procedure even slicker than the slight of hand shell game I am learning at the moment.
To put it in mother goose terms, I’m a squealing little pig (no Deliverance jokes please) and this Big Bad Wolf comes along and starts blowing my house down. Oh no! I’m doomed!
But then, da dada da, another wolf enters the fray. He says, “Hay pal, don’t worry. I am a hungry wolf as well, but I’m looking out for YOUR interests. For $150, I’ll fight this other wolf off. Now I must warn you, I might not beat him. You might loose your money and the house, it’s a risk.
Well, I don’t want to loose my house or get eaten by the first wolf so I agree. What’s $150 compared to my well being? I close the door tight and wait. I hear the background sounds of a fight, of course I can’t actually see what’s going on. Finally it stops.
The second wolf comes to my door and says, “Here’s what I worked out. If you pay the other wolf $150, he will overlook your house and probably not come back.” Now understand that I can’t complain at this modified deal. Just before, the sly wolf cleverly warned me that I might loose my house anyway. So another $150 seems like a good thing.
I pay the wolf and you know what happens? They both walk off together, and arm around each other’s shoulder like pals. Later they go out to a steak dinner together and toast each other’s good work and fortunes.
And this little piggy goes, “Weeeeeeeeeeee!” $300 lighter.