Well, I’m back after a weekend of emotional roller-coasting, full loops and rises and falls and a little turbulence here and there.
Friday, I went back to Eureka (after being away far, far too, too long-long). It was then I realized how much I MISSED everyone. There were a lot of good friendships made on that little campus (pre and post graduation) and I’ve been hard pressed to match them anywhere else.
I got to see Kris’s play. Way to go Kris, Rich, and Karisa and all the rest. That must have been a difficult play to do. Kris then unveiled, for me, the new toy of Pritchard Theatre…the most beautiful, giant, flat screen, wide screen TV. Wide screens are special to me, because they make a statement (“Fuck TV, I want to watch a movie!”).
From there it was party time, at the Pimp and Ho party (“Dear Mom and Dad, you’ll be so proud about what I did this weekend at school…”) with some long lost pals, a lot of rum, and no less then five Doetsch men (I think my DNA started vibrating). T’was fun. T’was full of socializing (which I thought I forgot how to do, holed up in Springfield…I’m just glad I remember how to talk and that throwing things at people is rude). Kurt, it was fun sharing a drink. Karisa, it was fun “reading” some intoxicating “books,” from Steve’s “library” and discussing the various clubs on campus.
But, I didn’t get to visit with everyone as much as I wanted to (Sorry Rich, a potential brawl indirectly involving my brother kept me from getting to your room for quite some time). But that was OK…there was still tomorrow (Saturday) to party and catch up…
…so Saturday, we played a LARP game at Jeramie and Amy’s and it was a good time. The plan, simple enough, was to leave from there to Eureka and get there some time between midnight and 1am (plenty of time to visit and have some fun). Well, some embarrassingly missed and messed up turns on a very familiar route and not noticing them for quite some time, kept Nick and I from getting on campus until 3 am…3 FREAKING AM! I blame drowsiness and EXTREME sexual frustration…which has cut my already precarious attention span in twain.
Spending that long in a vehicle with the space and time not making any sense and missing an opportunity to have fun with everyone put me in a pretty foul mood. On top of it all, Beth was mad at Nick, thinking he had purposefully ditched her (and what can a guy do in that situation except tell the unlikely truth and hope it doesn’t sound like an excuse), which made me feel guilty on top of it all. I was too tired to do anything and too frustrated to sleep.
Sunday, I visited with Genenda and we had a talk. Over the summer, faced with conflicting thoughts about the future, we decided to split up and explore other options (while keeping in touch on occaision). I spilled all the feelings and particulars into a few long posts on my old UJournal (which seems lost to me now) so I don’t have the emotional energy to put them all here. We talked out our loving stalemate and I realized how opposite and diametrically apposed each of us was in our dilemma and weakness. Genenda knows what she wants in her future, and her sight reaches far, but kinks in those plans sets her off balance very easily and she is terrified of not attaining what was originally planned. I, on the other hand, live in the now and I’m much better at enjoying the present for what it is (I like not knowing were I might be next month…or the next day)…but I’m pretty useless when someone wants to know my future plans.
Smiles, tears, and all between and I wondered which was the greater angst – knowing exactly what you want (but not knowing if you can get it) or knowing exactly what you can have (but not knowing what you want).
Sometimes I think the situation is going to tear me in bloody halves and dammit all but I don’t have a mop.
Then I got to see Nick before I left. Everything between him and Beth is cool…a relief. And he seems a lot happier with a new year of Eureka ahead of him. He was in a sticky, “real world” trap and he managed to get out of it before his eyes went dead and his step lost some life. There are lost souls, trapped in traffic jams, somewhere, right now, who were not so lucky.
But now I’m back in Springfield. Lenore is two months old today (that is, yesterday) and her appetite increases exponentially (I’ll have the official mouse count later).
Not a bad weekend…it just had its twists and turns…
(PS – I think my titles for these entries are just getting longer and longer and longer.)