Oh sweet vindication, thy name is SHORT FICTION WRITING CLASS!

I haven’t been posting as regularly…so let’s make this a meaty one.

First of all, tonight’s writing class went well (they usually do). Some may recall (several posts back) that I recently completed a short story (for class) that I had not been able to get down on paper (at least in total) for at least two years (a monstrous merging of Poe, Oedipus Rex, and Jerry Springer). Well…when you make something like that and finally force yourself to shove it on paper…you retain doubts after handing it in. But I got it back today…and received 100% (the second one I’ve gotten in my college writing career)! Now…high grades aren’t anything new in this class (we’re only there because the teacher likes our writing anyway). But 100 percent on a subjective thing…well…I think I deserve a little smile. I read back on the story…and I do like it (a relief)…I hadn’t touched it since I turned it in. I think it’s the most messed up story I’ve written.

Then we had some exorcises. It had to do with perspective. It involved three steps, three paragraphs, each taking on a new perspective of the same event [you kids can get out your pens and play along at home].

First paragraph – write a first person account of either a sporting event or a car accident. I decided to do both…

My first thought as the glass splinters and screams, is, “My eyes!” My second thought is, “What just caused this accident? A meteor from the sky? The hand of God?” My third thought, as I look at the light pole now enveloped in the indented mouth where the engine used to live, is, “I’m alive.” My fourth thought is relief at having my second thought answered by the homerun baseball I spy imbedded in what is left of my windshield, and knowing, even though the radio was battered beyond commission, that the Cubs were ahead by one run.

Second paragraph – write about the first paragraph, from a different perspective…

I used to like to squish people’s heads. It’s easy! You just close one eye and pinch two fingers together whenever a person goes by. But I’m nine years old today so I thought I should get a promotion. I wanted to squish a car. I used my whole hand. A car came by and my hand squeezed. Then BAM! It crashed and some one screamed and I cried and cried and cried…my mom asked me what was wrong and when I was ready to talk I promised never to squish another head ever again.

Third paragraph – write about the same incident, from a second hand account…

I gotta get off this beat. An accident. OK. I get there. No one’s hurt. Good. But this guy…this guy’s car is totaled and he’s smiling like a cat that just pissed on your pillow. Car’s ruined but he’s grinnin’ all Cheshire. Go Cubs. Well it’s a mess a big freaking obstacle in the way of everyone leaving Wriggly and it’s hours and hours of mess. Might not have been as bad except this kid kept crying to me, confessing to five, maybe six counts of head squashing. I gotta get off this beat.

In Lenore news, I’ve finally tamed the beast. Took a little patience and careful rearing of this now delicate creature, but my little indigo snake is OK with being held. She never tried to bite or anything…but she definitely saw me as a predator (which most hatchling reptiles do). Now she doesn’t care, sits in my hands, explores the oddities of my room. She’s fun and very alert and attentive and has the closest thing to a personality that I’ve seen in any snake.

Another thing about owning indigos, about rearing an endangered animal. It puts you in a sort of status bracket for those in the know. People with snakes constricting the brain. It would be spooky if I didn’t get a thrill out of it. But every pet shop I go to, inevitably, there is a guy/gal who obviously knows more about reptiles than some of the other employees and they ask me what I’m purchasing dead mice for. I’m always tempted to say for my own personal use…but I tell the truth. Then, there eyes widen with the respect you give to some old kunfu master with a long white beard and they go, “Wooooow.”

It’s weird…then they give you knowing looks every time you walk into their shops. It’s like FIGHT CLUB…I expect to bring my stuff to the cashier and them saying, “No sir…on the house…your money is no good here.”

At Petco there is a cute cashier with blue eyes…and she’s real impressed. “I’m real impressed,” she said, “I’m really into snakes…I know.” Thump-thump goes the heart. And I find myself going to Petco more regularly than the other places and though I tell myself that the reason is because they always have frozen mice on sale…the real reason is more likely two and blue.

And……….oh…….fine……..I filled out that questionere thing going ‘round everyone’s journals. That is…if you’re still with me.

Have you ever . . .
(X) been drunk
(_) vomited because of it
(X) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(_) kissed a member of the same sex
(_) crashed a friend’s car
(_) been to Japan
(X) ridden in a taxi
(X) been in love
(X) been dumped
(_) gone streaking
(X) shoplifted
(X) been fired
(X) been in a fist fight
(_) snuck out of my parent’s house
(X) watched a porno
(X) made out Spiderman style
(_) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(_) ever dated someone of the same sex
(X) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(_) been involved in an affair
(_) been arrested
(X) gotten a stranger’s number
(_) made out with a stranger
(_) stole something from my job
(_) celebrated new years in time square
(_) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
(X) had a crush on a teacher
(_) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(X) been to Europe
(X) skipped school
(_) slept with a co-worker
(_) cut myself on purpose
(_) accidentally or purposefully shot someone with a BB gun
(_) been married
(_) gotten divorced
(_) had children
(_) seen someone die
(_) broken a bone
(_) recieved stitches
(X) been to Africa (I knew it would be worth it!!!)
(X) had a crush on one of my Live journal friends
(_) Punched a friend
(X) Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball
(_) Been to Canada
(_) Been to Mexico
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(_) Thrown up in a bar
(_) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(_) Eaten Sushi
(_) Been snowboarding
(X) Met someone in person from the internet
(X) Been moshing at a concert
(_) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
(_) taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself
(_) been in an abusive relationship
(_) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
(_) lost a child


1. Nervous Habits? I bit me nails. I pace…but that is not a nervous habit (I do it when I’m at ease).
2. Are you double jointed? No
3. Can you roll your tongue? I think so…
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? Yes, I can play jump rope with it as well.
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? Yes…it got me into grad school.
6. Can you cross your eyes? Yes
7. Tattoos? No (I’m too fickle…a week later I’d be like, “Shit! I knew I should have gotten a transformer…I knew it. Oh Optimus Prime!!!”)
8. Piercings? No.
9. Do you make your bed daily? No, that would waste too much lumber.


10. Which shoe goes on first? The third shoe….oh…I’ve said too much…
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? Yes. Mimes.
12. On the average, how much money do you carry? Me? That’s like asking a leper how many fingers they got on them.
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? A scapular…fragments of a Catholic upbringing…get out of Purgatory free pass.
14. Favorite piece of clothing? I like a good jacket…you can own cheap clothing and have one good jacket to make it all right. I like my fedora too.

— FOOD —

15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? I use my three foot tongue. That’s right ladies!
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? Be careful that those who eat Spam do not in turn become spam…and he who eats long into the Spam, the Spam also eats you.
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? I’m partial to Cherry Garcia (a recent taste).
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? 0…Not even a decaying box of Count Chocula.
19. What’s your favourite beverage? Rum…with whatever. Overpriced coffee is good too because when I complain about it and make fun of those who buy it…and then take a sip, it tastes just like fresh roasted hypocrisy.
20. What’s your favorite restaurant? A good Chinese Buffet will do it for me.
21. Do you cook? I microwave like a mo-fo.


22. How often do you brush your teeth? Once a day…I should do more…
23. Hair drying method? Usually a towel and a long ass wait (there is a lot of it right now). One time I was running late and went to work sopping wet. I used one of those air pressure cans that you clean the key boards with. There was much amusement in the office and a nice quaff I might add.
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? No…I like my dark hair. And my hair likes me. Well…sometimes it bullies me with this widow’s peak…threatens me with male pattern baldness…but I think it’s an empty threat mostly…what…no…it only does it because it loves me…what…this…oh, no…I…I fell down…you don’t understand!!!

25. Do you swear? Fuck no (yeah…I just bet I’m the first person in history to use that little clever number)
26. Do you ever spit? Yes…but only when saliva flies out of my mouth.


27. Animal? Sometime the Raven (go figure) but right now I’m leaning on Indigo snake.
28. Food? Crag Rangoons!
29. Month? October
30. Day? October 31st
31. Cartoon? Family Guy…Cowboy Beebop (there are many more…cartoons as a storytelling form are coming into there own…mostly thanks to the work of other countries who see it’s potential)
32. Shoe Brand? Black and cheap (that’s my general philosophy…black and cheap looks exactly like black and expensive)
33. Subject in school? Writing
34. Color? Indigo (at the moment…it’s like black if black had color)
35. Sport? Dodge Ball (not the pussy ball that is in schools now…but the red rubber tread dodge ball from grade school…the one that left tread marks in your head…now that was the glory!)
36. TV show? Movies…I like wide screen TVs because they say, screw TV…I’m watching a movie
37. Thing to do in the spring? write
38. Thing to do in the summer? write
39. Thing to do in the fall? write
40. Thing to do in the winter? write


41. The CD player? My CD player has died and gone. I still have the speakers cause they are holding up a rubber raven and a little water fountain respectively.
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? It’s kind of spread equally.
43. Ever taken a cab? Yes (many in Chicago, a couple in New York, and a few in Athens…and a bus in Africa)
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors? Yeah…I do…
45. What color is your bedroom? White walls painted every shade of black light.
46. Do you use an alarm clock? It’s gotten to the point where I have to set the alarm so I’m not late for work at 2pm.
47. Window seat or aisle? Window…I want to see the little gremilin on the wing.


48. What’s your sleeping position? Usually the stomach (though it’s bad on the back). Spooning when with someone. I also like to fork…hehe.
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? No…on top of blankets when hot.
50. Do you snore? yes
51. Do you sleepwalk? I don’t know…but if I do maybe I can train myself to sleep power walk and save a lot of time.
52. Do you talk in your sleep? I don’t know…
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Nope…I’ve seen enough horror movies to know what dolls and stuffed animals are really up to.
54. How about with the light on? No. I need dark…which is hard when you go to bed at 6am.
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? Not usually. Sometimes music. Sometimes…when I want to bulk up on my vocab…I put on audio Poe stories/poems while I sleep.
56. Last interesting person you met? Not the last…but I met a reptile keeper with nine fingers and only a few teeth, named Hawk, at a reptile pit in Missouri on a random route 66 road trip with some buds (Remember Hawk guys???)

— WTF —
57. Weridest place you’ve ever puked. I got nothing…
58. Craziest place you’ve ever gotten freaky. A dangerously fast, moving vehicle…and I’d do it again! Do you hear me world?
59. Grossest thing you’ve ever seen. Remember that scene from VAN WILDER with the dog with the huge testicles and the cream filled pastry….yeah…
60. Most disgusting thing you’ve ever eaten. One time this jerk delivered some cream filled pastries…
61. What’s that smell? Nothing! I just cleaned Lenore’s cage. It smells like a freaking…uh…clean room…I guess…