I’d been trying to integrate those things into my living and writing lately. I’ve always been more Lazy, Intuitive, and Chaotic. Never a plan, certainly not a regimen or schedule. Not disciplined, certainly, but I always seemed to make it work.
But I thought I could improve that…thoughts of graduating and real world made me think to improve. Join the ranks…
But that was a mistake. Thoughts of “real world” and realistic scenarios have never gotten me the things I’ve wanted. But a little discipline and scheduling…that should have made things better, should have made me more responsible. But it didn’t work. I haven’t gotten anything more done (maybe even less). I’ve been freezing up, less flexible, creativity stagnating. Hell, even my recent improv acting felt stiff.
I don’t recommend this…but I’m throwing out the whole discipline/planning shtick (I’m sure it works for more steadier souls than I).
The old way…no plan, all intuitive, worked. It shouldn’t have worked. It made me a little crazy, sometimes, juggling it all – it made me a little absent minded – it made all practical aspects of my life suffer (late credit card payments, late sending portfolios to Grad schools, not studying for the GRE, etc.) – and yet, I’d come out red eyed but happy on the other side (credit still somehow at 0%, in a fine writing program, with GOOD scores on my GRE, thank you very much).
God, I used to be so much more fluid!
Flowing lazily…but quickly when I needed to. Obstacles were just challenges and challenges were laughable and laughter needed no other motivation than to be uttered, long and loud. Problems used to just roll off of me, like water drops on a kick ass, waterproof, cashmere long coat (this thing is awesome, you can poor a whole cup of water on it and it doesn’t soak in…they even demonstrated at the store).
Lately, problems have been hitting me like bricks and I don’t have any give, I just crack, and viscous stuff flows out.
I’m not sure what my malfunction for scheduled discipline was. Maybe it’s that once you plan your days, you map out your weeks and months, and then years become dots on a time line and you can see death in the distance and NeverNeverLand disappears in the rear view mirror.
When you live moment to moment, in the now, the days are long and the nights are endless…
I think part of the problem may have been the approach to a structured, life… you hit it cold turkey. That’s always painful. It’s why heroine addicts have to spend so long in re-hab facilities, it takes time and is painful and you have to totally rearrange and uproot not only your lifestyle but who you are. If in the future you want to attempt it you’ll know what it will take, and the very possible drawbacks, and will be better equipped.
But I don’t really think you should… too many people live the structured “adult” life. It’s draining, boring, and constantly reminds you that you’re getting old (which is why I think the plastic surgery, craze has taken off so much lately). You’re counter-culture, but in the cool productive way, and there is nothing wrong with the leisurely fish that swims against the current. Not only do you not get eaten by the bear, but you also escape the fate of the rest of us by not plummeting over the edge of the waterfall.
Like Hank Hill said:
“Bobby’s mush, you can’t build him up, but when you stomp all over mush it’s all give. When you think about it maybe mush has the advantage.” Be mush Josh, be mush.
the right quote, at the right moment can…
Thanks Amy. I never thought a King of the Hill quote would hit with such inspiration. Thank ya kindly. I vow to live like mush…or at least to act in such a non-conventional manner that it inspires onlookers to say, “That boy ain’t right.” What line did you have in that play, Kris? Something like people don’t hold eccentrics accountable. YES!
As for my favorite Hank Hill quote…it sums up my feelings on Christian Rock.
CHRISTIAN ROCKER: You have something against praising Jesus?
HANK: You’re not making praise of Jesus better…you’re making rock n’ roll worse.
Re: the right quote, at the right moment can…
Amen brother! There’s nothing like redneck inspiration to get a person going…