I have wheels! Tonight I went on a for-no-particular-reason mini road trip to places unknown, directions random. Then I found my way back. It’s not a convertible, but the freedom felt great, complete with loud music (since the radio works, I can use my MP3 player), and rolled down windows.
I found much to entertain me – me, myself, and I singing and driving, a return to my old self and half grinned feelings of self reliance, and what a relief to go back to that – the security of knowing that as long as I have me to entertain myself, I’ll be just fine.
This contrast made me certain, now, of what I suspected before – that the depressing funk of a few weeks back, was all in my head and had nothing to do with events surrounding me. My brain was fucking with me (and not in the good, multi-positional way). It didn’t mater what was, or wasn’t happening to me, my mind would have used any fodder against me that it could find. If one thing wasn’t there, it would use another. Change the scenario a thousand ways and I’d have felt exactly the same in each.
Call it a chemical imbalance, an alignment of humors or whatever…it’s balanced now (or at least…it’s back to it’s original, happy imbalance). In fact…it’s with some trouble that I can even remember why I felt that way – even the remembrance of the feeling itself tumbles away like a vague dream. It all seems distant and I feel detached looking at it. Something to point out to anyone who might have felt that they had anything to do with said funk (though I think I talked to everyone who might have felt like that…so it doesn’t really matter).
And what a loooooooooooooooooooooooong weekend, all on four total hours of sleep. Before I slip into a coma, let me recall:
I worked. I sat in my room. Not too much to tell. Still no car.
Vllad Tepes feasted among his impaled victims on this day in 1459.
I did not manage to fall asleep on Friday night and Nick picked me up Saturday morning. We went to my old car, got the license plates, drove back to Eureka, picked up Rich, and made our way to Chicago. Nick and Rich auditioned in the city. The movie was very ghetto. We left. Drove to my grandmother’s house. I got my new car. The top doesn’t come off, but it is reliable and I’m glad for the freedom it represents.
We drove back to Bloomington. Nick and I went to a LARP game. Exhausted, we then went to a midnight showing of Sin City. The movie was fantastic. It was less a narrative story and less a group of characters – and more a demonstration of noir genre and walking/talking character archetypes. It was the pulp/noir genre’s nightmare of itself, on steroids. It worked.
Back to Eureka. I got the only four hours sleep of my weekend, and then drove back to Springfield on…
This day marks the return of Persephone from the Underworld.
Daylight savings time.
What an ironic day to come back with a car, after my old one, Persephone, had died…and apparently gone to Hades. After my drive, I went to work, then to rehearsals. Now just a few more loose ends and then to bed.
Oh…screw the loose ends…I got to crash now…