I originally wrote this, I think last year (maybe a little longer ago) in my friends’ (Dave and Adrienne) apartment, in the middle of the night, after a Neil Gaiman signing (in Chicago) that I should not have gone to – as this story was due, in class, halfway across the state, the following day. I didn’t get any sleep. My friends slept, and I just had to pound something out, then make the 3+ hour drive. Somehow, I think, it turned out pretty good. It’s the opening prologue to my epic poem (in prose). It’s gone over some changes since then, and been sifted through various test readers and friends and audiences. So here is the version I have now – since I felt like posting some piece of the work I’ve been talking so much about, and it is the most polished. Some of you have read it before (but this is the latest version) and some of you might have not. So here ya go!
Enjoy:
SOULS UNSURE: Prologue
©Joshua Alan Doetsch
The door opens…
…like a mute scream. She does not remember when she stopped bothering to scream – when beer bottle blows to the head convinced her to be silent, to be still. And they’ll say the story starts with an old priestess and a chant. They won’t remember. But it begins with a little girl and silent screams full of broken dolls.
He’s in the shadows, in the doorway – framed horror. Dull eyes stare. He never blinks. The Devil never blinks.
No Daddy.
She crosses her legs, pulls the blanket. But her legs are not strong and blankets don’t protect. Closed eyes can’t protect.
He stares and licks his lips. Stands and stares and breathes loudly – the garlic stink, a promise of evil. She holds her breath. The stuffed animals all face the wall. She doesn’t want them to see. He stands and stares and she holds her breath…
A clank, a mumbled curse, and spilled booze – he always smells of old booze – she’ll smell of old booze.
Then, the red door closes like a happily-ever-after. A bright, happy red door. But happy endings only happen if the story stops. Death and entropy are two steps past every happily-ever. Two steps behind every red door.
Bump. Scrape. Down the stairs.
Bump. Scrape. He limped and lurched when he drank – a penny dreadful shuffle.
Bump. Scrape. It took away his human walk, possessed him with the wicked limp, the evil lurch. The drink put a demon in him, Mama always said, before she was silent, before she went to Heaven.
Where are you now Mama?
She creeps out of bed. Invading weight on chest and pelvis…not tonight. She locks the door. Meaty, oily, fumbling fingers…not tonight. There’ll be hell to pay, but she locks the door. Wet, garlic breath…oh God, not tonight! Back in bed, she prays in the flickering yellow light of a street lamp dying slowly in the night.
She leaves her window open, hoping someone hears her prayers. No one ever answered her screams. Outside her window, flakes of snow ghost-dance, twirl and spiral with the clumsy grace of cherubs, glowing white against the black paradise of sky, a promise of purity. But snow always falls to slush, painted gray by the blackness below. In the dead of winter she leaves her window open, hoping someone hears her prayers.
Prayers to Mama and prayers to God and prayers to all the saints – prayers every time he scrapes up the steps and prayers every time he shadows her doorway – but it always happens. The damage is done; it will just be done again.
Bump. Scrape.
Bump. Scrape.
Outside the door, full of fumes, taboos, and imps perverse, he twists the handle. She prays in desperation. He preys in depravity.
Please God, take me to Heaven. Please God, send him to Hell.
Bangs and shouts and curses. The red door groans. She’s all tears and prayers now; tears and prayers and both flow free and translucent between sobs. When you pray that there’s a God, who do you pray to?
The red door buckles – the red of love – the red of lust – the red of blood.
Hands folded to the sky, she always prayed in the same direction – out the window, towards the origin of snow. But now she scatters her prayers to all four winds, scatters her prayers to anyone who will listen and now prayers plummet like snowflakes screaming rape.
She hears the beat of broken wings.
Prayers, like radio waves, travel until received. But where do things go when they’ve flown past their purpose? Let us say they go to a gray place, and that is enough.
She hears the beat of broken wings.
Through the tears she sees something gather in the blackness above her bed, a patch of something darker still. A beat of broken wings and it materializes, all dark dust and ebony mist, hovering over her bed like a fairytale boogeyman. But she’s not afraid. She knows real monsters wear masks called Father.
The little girl.
The ashen phantom.
She stares up at it. It gazes down at her. She breathes. It pulses. The pulses match the rhythm of her breath and each undulation reveals the outline of a wraithly head, spectral hands, and the sad symmetry of broken wings in the tenebrous cloud – the way a dark city skyline appears in staccato bursts, to the strobe-flash of lightning. And she reaches her hand, running it through the phantasmal shape. A sable, wispy finger, from out the cloud, gently brushes her cheek. The sooty digit mingles with a tear, leaving a muddy-dark trail down the eye.
Did they speak? The little girl and the ashen phantom? Maybe. Maybe she whispered that no one had touched her, without wicked intent, in a long time. Maybe, in a frozen second, it told her the bedtime story of its mangled wings, how it fell from the sky, like her prayers and her tears and the snow – painted gray by the blackness below. Maybe.
Or maybe two lonely souls just stare at one another.
Now, she looks to the pitch-dark shade and then the red door and recites her prayer. It pulses. Considers.
It flashes, faster than a false promise, embers and ash trailing like a shroud, to the red door – through the red door – outside the red door, a SCREAM.
Bump. Crash.
Bump. Crash.
Bump. Crack.
Flashing reds and blues announce that all is not well in this place where even social workers fear to tread. Black and white cars sit in the gray slush. The snow comes down white, but always ends up gray.
They wheel the man in a stretcher and neck brace, found him at the bottom of the stairs. Some kind of stroke, they say. May never walk again, they say. Then, they found the girl and the beer bottles and the bruises and they gave each other knowing looks. But the girl did not say a word.
Family members were contacted and reports filed. Just one weird thing, said the younger officer to his venerable friend, between bites of cold wind. And they both nodded and recalled the graven image on the red bedroom door. Sketched in black ash and burnt in bas relief was a portraiture, a definite shape, that they could not explain but only hearken back to the snow angels made in their youth, hearken back impossibly far to a time and place where snow was still white.
Must…have…..MOOOOOORE!!!!!
I got the interludes nananananana!
I concure, I would like to read all that you have. Could you perhaps e-mail them to me?
*inhale*
*exhale*
I think I forgot to breathe for a second.
I was caught up in the feel of your words on the back of my tongue, savoring the taste. My perceptions of the world are centered, intensified, in my tongue, so when I taste words they’ve really touched something. You make me want more, make me want to drown in it.
But there is one bitter note. Has anyone asked you if you really think you can get away with this?
As language, as tale, it works and works marvelously, it weaves a spell and casts an irresistible storybook haze and while that lasts it can’t be questioned. But that has to fade. And when I am done savoring and swirling it around on my tongue, then there is that strange flavor that’s just a bit off.
When my logical mind finds its way through the haze it objects and that’s when the flavour loses its complexity and breaks down into something slightly sour. It says the setup is all too simple, the little girl’s mind and emotions not twisted in the ways they should be. She is hollow and I can’t feel for her though I want to. I can feel the words pulsing in my blood, but I can’t feel *her* fear. It’s a fairy tale monster fear and not a breathing-on-the-back-of-my-ear-please-don’t-make-me-turn-around one.
I think it’s very hard for a writer, especially a male writer, to use the rape of a little girl, especially as an opening, and not have it seem wrong on some level. Andrew Vachss gets away with it because helping abused children is his life’s work and not just something he writes about. You don’t have those credentials.
Which isn’t to say you can’t get away with it. I actually suspect you can, but it seems to me that there is still some little detail missing. The one tiny piece of undeniable truth that would make me believe and feel and want to remember how to pray for this child’s sake.
Eventually my logical mind does back down and I go back to trying not to lick the computer screen.
Thank you. That’s one of the more interesting and unique responses I’ve gotten thus far. I think, what I tend to attempt in writing is to make for a heady draught (which means, as my teacher predicted, it will be something for some but perhaps to strong a taste for others).
To answer your first question – no one has asked me yet – and, as a writer, I have to get away with quite a lot. Lots of little tricks and writers are conmen one and all. 😉
I’m making this up as I go. I’m experimenting with things in the poetry and what I really wonder is if I’ll get away with that…I’ve already used a few sneaky tricks and cheats to try (including erudite quotes of things I’ve never read that prove how “clever” and “studied” I am and that I chose to use no meter and a very broken rhyme on “purpose” – instead of for the much more real reason than I am balls at counting meter on a technical level….though I do pretty good with natural rhythm on an intuitive level).
So much to get away with. So many ways to fake credentials.
I suppose one trick, to get away with that first chapter would be to write under the name Jessica Doetsch…a sneaky means of forcing readers to fill in the blanks themselves, make them assume the spaces between the dots, since then I’d “know” what being a little girl was like.
Or maybe I try and make it even more distracting and heady, as you’ve found it, to the point that no can snap out of it and ask their meddling questions…or, if they do, they shake their heads and have to say, “You got me, you clever charlatan.”
But really, it’s all in the “connect-the-dot” game. As I work and improve this thing, it’ll be about showing the pieces I can show…and letting the minds of the reader fill in what I can’t do justice. Maybe…maybe I can’t KNOW what it is like to be an abused little girl (though my empathy stretches in wide archs and my ears have picked up a bartender’s share of troubles)….but H.P. Lovecraft, can’t really put down the unspeakable truths of the universe…but he can hint at them, show the dots and let our deep imaginations (which can do these things) do the work load.
That’s what I have to keep shooting for.
But…as for the sort of dark fairy-tale version of a rape scene…I’m kind of glad you had that reaction because that was a bit on purpose. It’s starting this epic, mythic poem and I wanted it to sound like that (even though it is depicting something that contrasts that so much). This is just a glimpse (from a certain third party narrator that may not be clear to audiences until later).
And as to the little girl’s mind not being “twisted” enough…well, the prologue is just that opening storybook version. Remember, she kept silent and we did not see her thoughts when the police cleaned everything up…and there is something in her, that allowed her to summon this dark winged spirit from who knows where. The true depths of what results from her early years of horror don’t come to light until later in the story, as a dark angel follows a trail of clues – a trail of chimerical broken doll parts – in the underworld of Sheol.
And thanks. That was probably one of the more thoughtful responses to this piece. You’ve given me a lot to think about.
I am highly turned on by your prologue. That is all.
I am highly turned on by your prologue. That is all.