It turns out an adult male human body is not meant to bounce twice off of a hard surface.
This has been a strange week of physical injuries…which is weird. I’m a sturdily put together life form. As a child I’ve fallen through windows, window wells, had a boulder (larger than me) roll over my leg, and countless brawls with my brother….and I never have had a stitch or a broken bone.
A couple of posts ago, I mentioned my DAMAGED FOOT. That was only a warm up. I think it is, in fact, all right now.
But Saturday I went out sledding with my brother and cousins. We went, at night, to a mostly unlit sled hill of incredible height and steepness (not ski hill big…but the largest sled hill I’ve ever been to). The first run went well – fast and furious and lots of flying snow shards stinging the face.
The second run…
We tried the other, darker side of the hill. This was even faster (for the snow was more like ice)…and little less control. My sled went sideways and suddenly, I was high in the air . . .
My cousin Matt, says it was quite spectacular looking. Apparently there was a large jump, made from a huge ridge of ice that jutted out and pointed up. I slammed into it, unaware of its presence, and I flew in the air. My body was completely horizontal (feet as high as my head) and it’s all a blur, but I think I was four or five feet in the air. I was still going as fast, horizontally, so I have no idea how much ground I covered.
All I know is that I was in the air long enough to realize it. Usually, a jump and a fall like that, and any realization of the time you spent in the air is a quick memory that hits you a few milliseconds after the fact. But I was in the air long enough to think, “I’m in the air.” So long in fact that when the very painful fall, that I knew was coming, didn’t happen, I wondered if I was already back on the ground.
That’s when I hit.
The jump landed me in another patch of hard ice. I bounced. Bounced again, and slid for a while and eventually tumbled over.
Turns out an adult male human body is not meant to bounce twice off of a hard surface.
Two days later and it’s still hard to walk, sit, shift position in bed. I can’t even do back-flips anymore…but maybe I never could…hard to remember, I hit the ice pretty hard. My knee (which made the worst impact) still feels like a train wreck on the inside. I’m not sure how bad it is. I should probably go get it checked out…but I’m hesitant as I have no insurance.
My loving bro, who gets perverse glee watching me struggle around like an old man, thinks this is good for my eccentric image, that I need a cool, scary looking cane to hobble around on. I even have such a cane…but it’s being borrowed. Drat.
So if anyone finds any black market right legs during the holiday season, just stuff it in my stocking (should be a perfect fit). I’d except a second left leg…but that sounds a bit cliché.
I should get some insurance before my next outing…
Joshua Alan Doetsch 
I might be able to score a horse leg for ya…would that work?
Sweet! I’d be part Centaur. Did I spell Centaur right?
j_harker said:
I might be able to score a horse leg for ya…would that work?
nevermore_66 said:
Sweet! I’d be part Centaur. Did I spell Centaur right?
I wore tractionless shoes today. Bad choice. I’ve already fallen twice and it’s not even lunch time.
To Josh’s right leg:
Get Well Soon.
desert_fox said:
I wore tractionless shoes today. Bad choice. I’ve already fallen twice and it’s not even lunch time.
To Josh’s right leg:
Get Well Soon.
J,
Sorry to hear your about your brief stint as a basketball.
Children, please turn away from your monitors as I engage in a milk-curdling cussing fit. There, you can turn back around now.
Joshua, I hereby abdicate any chance of selling a book to you, just would someone please give me a rejection.
Should we flip a coin as to who harasses Stewart next? Breeyark.
//H
I’m starting to think this is an endurance contest, the last person to go insane and go on a killing spree wins and gets the published novel…or…maybe it’s the first person…I don’t know anymore…
Amen.
It’s stupid, but I wake up every morning thinking, “Maybe we’ll hear today.”
Bleagh. I hate being pathetic.
//H
I wake up every morning like that too, like a kid at Christmas…but then I run downstairs and no presents and it’s months later and what the hell is that foul smell coming from the chimney???
I think that they’re just going to pick everyone. They owe you that much after putting you through about six months of torture. Divide the money amonst you all, and publish everyone. Five books will bring more money than one, right?
Anonymous said:
J,
Sorry to hear your about your brief stint as a basketball.
Children, please turn away from your monitors as I engage in a milk-curdling cussing fit. There, you can turn back around now.
Joshua, I hereby abdicate any chance of selling a book to you, just would someone please give me a rejection.
Should we flip a coin as to who harasses Stewart next? Breeyark.
//H
nevermore_66 said:
I’m starting to think this is an endurance contest, the last person to go insane and go on a killing spree wins and gets the published novel…or…maybe it’s the first person…I don’t know anymore…
Anonymous said:
Amen.
It’s stupid, but I wake up every morning thinking, “Maybe we’ll hear today.”
Bleagh. I hate being pathetic.
//H
genenda said:
I think that they’re just going to pick everyone. They owe you that much after putting you through about six months of torture. Divide the money amonst you all, and publish everyone. Five books will bring more money than one, right?
nevermore_66 said:
I wake up every morning like that too, like a kid at Christmas…but then I run downstairs and no presents and it’s months later and what the hell is that foul smell coming from the chimney???