…
Whole flocks of black sheep.
No one is a conformist.
So everyone is.
…
21 Wednesday Jan 2009
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…
Whole flocks of black sheep.
No one is a conformist.
So everyone is.
…
06 Tuesday Jan 2009
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Gotten a lot of mostly good feedback for the audio version of my story (“Blood, Snow, and Sparrows”), over at Pseudopod.org and more comments over at their DISCUSSION FORUMS. My favorite comment so far was:
“Joshua Alan Doetsch is not good. Joshua Alan Doetsch is darkly transcendent. It was so amazing it was like Ray Bradbury got high and started listening to Nine Inch Nails and decided to write about “the Crow”. I hope to God that Joshua is writing a big fat novel that I can go buy and read.” —Old Man Parker
Every reference in that comment made me grin. It’s refreshing to find that you truly are what you eat.
Quest For Job:
To say that my finances are a mess is a cosmic understatement. The job search is ongoing and I’ve recently turned to job listings for full time writers at video game companies. Recently, a company in Norway, Funcom, contacted me, liked my writing samples and resume, and sent me a writing test. It was rather fun. They liked that enough to give me a phone interview and I should hear back from them this week.
The game I’d be writing for is called The Secret World and it right up my alley, subject wise, and I’m excited at the prospect of doing what I like for a living (maybe even enough to cover myself in soot and dance and sing about it, on rooftops, in a ridiculous accent, "I does what I likes…", etc., etc.)…but not sure I want to move all the way to Norway.
It would be an adventure though…
I’m hedging my bet by submitting to other companies though, in the mean time.
And if you need a private, dedicated word-weaver, I’m in the market, as it were, and quite a genius, and humble to boot, and what the hell ever happened to the rich patron system. Huh? There are plenty of wealthy folk out there who one-up each other with mundane items like houses and planes and mistresses.
Seriously, If you are rich and you want to one-up your rich douche-bag friends this year, buy me…
“This is Joshua Alan Doetsch, my private Bard. And what did you buy, Reginal…hmmm…another sports car…how pedestrian…hahahaahahahahaha!”
Quest for Less Gravity Love:
On the weight loss, training-for-the-bike-trip-come-September front, I’ve pretty much undone my meager gains over the holidays. But that’s alright. I was testing the waters. Tomorrow I start working out again and will do so more heavily and will plan a more specific diet (details to follow).
20 Saturday Dec 2008
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Your result for The Greek Mythology Personality Test…

You are typically easy-going and non-confrontational until someone violates one of the very few principles that you deem sacred, at which point you can fly into a rage. Although you possess a much greater understanding of process and systems than the people around you, you are always conscious of the possibility that you’ve missed something or made a mistake. You don’t tend to become attached to particular theories, and will immediately discard mistaken notions once they’re revealed to be incorrect (but you don’t tolerate iconoclasts who try to discredit validated theories through the use of fallacies and bad data). Despite being outwardly humble, you probably think of yourself as being smarter than most other people. That’s because you are. In fact, in your dealings with people your understanding of their motives is so expansive that you know what they’re going to say before they say it, and in world affairs, you usually know what is going to take place before it actually does. This ability would make you unbeatable in debates if only you were a little less pensive about your own conclusions, and a little more outgoing.
Famous people like you: Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, Adam Smith, Thomas Jefferson, John McWhorter, Ramanujan, Marie Curie, Kurt Godel
Stay clear of: Apollo, Icarus, Hermes, Aphrodite
Seek out: Atlas, Prometheus, Daedalus
19 Friday Dec 2008
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Pseudopod.org has broadcast my first piece of audio fiction (my short story, "Snow, Blood, and Sparrows" originally from Book of Dead Things).
I’m a big fan of audio fiction and tickled to have some of my own and find strange security in now existing in my iPod. I’d like to record some of my own audio fiction myself, sometime in the near future.
Anyway, go to the website and download and listen, if the mood strikes you. And if you like short bits of dark and horror fiction, subscribe. And if you really like it, FEED THE POD.
And if you’re not sure if you like audio ficiton or not, give it a shot. Chances are there is a little child inside, starved of the lovely ritual of being read to.
19 Friday Dec 2008
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08 Monday Dec 2008
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Tags

3 AM is a hope/despair sort of hour.
Maybe it’s the hour your eyes crack open in suffocating black, just the digital countdown glow of nine-to-five doom, just tick-tock gremlins and accumulated adult fears in the head with no stimulants or white noise to tune them out.
Or maybe you find it easier to conjure ethereal hopes out of the harsh light of day, easier to challenge Reality (the big-big R) past the witching hour, easier to nurture dreams in the gentle dark.
Which is good, because I need to dream big, because…I just weighed myself on the scale. Yeeeeeeesh! I have a LONG way to go. A lot of physical realities to crack. Many pounds to drop by September. But, this whole project is about dreams and aiming high, and, luckily, audacity is easier for me after midnight.
So I’ll be documenting this whole process of getting my soft (but cute, don’t forget cute) butt into shape. Training starts this week. I don’t have an exact system of diet and physical training worked out just yet (I’ll post those details as I work them in)—but I am starting by removing some of the worst items from my menu and a basic daily weight lifting routine and running. Once I get a bike, I’ll be able to add that into the mix.
I need to document myself with a "Before" picture and will take a proper one as soon as I have a real camera and spare set of hands to take it. All I have, this second, is my webcam and a little boredom (and making faces is still one of my favorite games).
The scale is frowning at me. But if I just…take it…and…turn it upside down…and…there!
Smiles, smiles, smiles all around.
07 Sunday Dec 2008
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I have a weird life.
Sometimes I fall into strange circumstances.
As it stands, come next September, I will be riding a bicycle from Chicago to New York, in a two week journey, something like 70 miles a day, as part of a project to promote a documentary film produced to raise awareness on child abuse and domestic violence.
Through no special effort or fault of my own.
I promise.
Long story long—my little brother, Nick, saw an add for an acting gig, almost a year ago. It was for a part in a documentary about abuse (Dream for the Stars). He contacted them. They hired him. But on the day he went in for filming, communication wires got crossed and they didn’t need him when he actually arrived. He was bummed for the wasted trip and they were sorry and the woman in charge, Barbara Brower, said she would make it up to him.
Months passed and Nick mostly forgot about it. But then Barbara made good on her promise. Out of the blue she calls Nick. Through various circumstances, the film had been put on pause…but now it was ramping up again, had been revitalized, and had snowballed into something bigger—more sponsors, more celebrity support, bigger scope. She had a larger part for Nick to play. She also had a Chicago to New York bike ride, with about 25 people (mostly involved in entertainment and the arts and/or having some experience pertaining to abuse). She had most of the female riders, but she needed more males—did Nick want to go?
Yes, he said.
They still need more males, she said.
Nick mentioned me, that I was a male (which is true), that I’m a writer (which is also true), and that we are fairly entertaining and fun together and on camera (which is mostly true).
And so, I was in.
And conversations stretched over days and phone calls and Barbara mentioned getting into shape for this and Nick said that his older brother was…ahem…a bit overweight, would it be cool if we documented him getting into shape for this? She loved the idea.
And that brings us to now. I’ll be loosing weight and riding a bike to New York for abuse victims everywhere. Guess that’s as good of a motivation as can be. An Olympic trainer is going to donate her efforts to help us all get into shape. There will be celebrities helping and even riding along with us (though I don’t know specifics on that yet). We’re all getting some pretty nifty bikes donated to us to train and ride on. And, if I remember right, People magazine is doing a piece on the bike ride and we’ll be on Good Morning America when we hit New York.
Strange days.
Just over 9 months. I figure I need to loose about 10+ pounds a month.
If you see me with an ice-cream cone, slap it out of my hands.
You can read more on all this at the Dream for the Stars website. Click on the bicycle ride link and you can find both Nick and I. Click our pictures to go to our individual blogs.
Or just go straight to mine at JoshuaDoetsch.blogspot.com.
I’ll be documenting my misadventures as I try go from this:

To this:

I’m not sure how much entries in that journal and this one will overlap…but give ‘er a look.
Seriously…slap the ice-cream out of my hands.
04 Thursday Dec 2008
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Tags
audio fiction, dad, halloween, justice league of america, neil gaiman, norway, the graveyard book, the nightmare before christmas
I was arrested on charges of journal neglect.
And conspiracy to commit journal neglect.
And general slothdom.
And polygamy. But those charges were dropped as authorities discovered that my wives were all well over the legal age, and all in my head. Too soon?
I agreed to a plea bargain. This includes regular use of this blog as well as other stipulations, like riding a bike from Chicago to New York next September (more on that in a future post).
In the time between posts, we’ve gone all the way from pumpkin patch season to It’s-colder-than-a-witch’s-mamary-gland season.
Some highlights:
A Parrot-Head Looks at Fifty
My Dad had his 50th birthday bash in October. It was quite the revel. Drinks and family and friends and a live band, and various forms of tropical dress. You could read the happy and the celebration written on his face (he deserves more good-spiritted debauchery more often). I got to wear my pirate hat which makes me happy (this sentence might imply that I get to wear it rarely…but that’s not true…I’m wearing it right now…ask me what else I’m wearing…).
By the bye, if you happen to be reading this and you have pictures of that night, and you emailed them to me, then I would be in your debt. If you’re reading this and you do not have those photos, then no worries. If you have the photos but are not reading this, then I guess you won’t get the message. If you are reading this and you have the photos, but suddenly stopped reading, then
Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book, and Ghost Stories by Fire Light
On October 2nd, I was able to go see Neil Gaiman do a reading from a chapter of his latest book, The Graveyard Book. T’was a good reading. T’was a good book (sweet and macabre…like me). And t’was just the right time of year.
Hungry for more, my brother (Nick) and I began holding audio fiction sessions in the backyard, on the deck, by the woods. We’d ignite the fire pit, drink Dunk n’ Donuts coffee and/or hot cider laced with rum, puff a cigarillo or two, and listen October themed fiction and audio performances from my iPod’s growing library (it’s a hungry little bugger).
Our friend, Dori, joined us one night and, to our surprise, really liked it. He had never listened to a single, solitary bit of audio fiction…and he was hooked after one session, practically begging us to continue after we were ready to quit. I mean he’s really Jonesing for this sh!%. It’s refreshing, actually, in this age of multi-multi-multi-mind numbing media—crack for the ears, heroin for the eyes—how excited he was to discover this new form of entertainment, noting how vivid the visuals came to his mind while he stared at the fire, how rejuvenated he felt after listening to a story, how meditative the experience was.
So he made it a pretty regular habit—stories by the fire—occasionally pausing the pod to hear the coyotes going nuts, likely over some kill, in the not too distant distance.
Score one for literacy.
Being read to is a very special ritual. Too many give it up after childhood.
Got Spandex?
For Halloween, a dozen friends and I hit the bars dressed as the heroes in the Justice League of America. As luck would have it, the first bar had Batman’s entire rogues gallery of villains. We got to threaten and shit-talk each other for hours. Awesome.
More photos to come, but here’s a peek:

Pre-Nativity Night Terrors
My article about The Nightmare Before Christmas 3D found a home over at Killer-Works. It’s a great site and email newsletter on all things frightening and strange. Go check it out.
Trading My Pirate Hat For a Viking Helmet?
I’m applying like crazy for writing jobs. If my debt is the Nothing—then I am Atreyu, holding on to a tree, feet off the ground, trying not to get sucked in. Still, I’m holding out on hope for a job that actually interests me and uses some of the skills I spent all that money to get he documentation that says I have them. The latest job submission was to a video game company in Norway. They liked my resume and writing samples enough to send me a little writing test. I sent that off to them on Friday. We’ll see what happens.
Bookmarks, bookmarks, bookmarks
Some internet bookmarks of interest:
Kick-ass interview with Alan Moore.
Custom keyboards for the eccentric typist.
The best coffee in the world comes from cat skat.
Novelist strike!?!?!?
Coffin shelves (consider this on my Christmas list).
30 Thursday Oct 2008
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Hello denizens of Halloween town!
Check out the upcoming event, below. I and some other authors will be reading some dark tales in the NorthWest suburbs of the city. Check it out:
Local Chicago Area Authors Read From:
The Book of Dead Things
&
Hell in the Heartland Anthologies
Come join the Horrrrrror!
When?
Thursday night, All Hallow’s Eve’s EVE!
10-30-08
What Time:
7 PM-9PM(ish)
Where:
Top Shelf Books
47 East Northwest Highway
Palatine, IL 60067
POTLUCK OF TERROR!
Bring Food, Drink, Merriment and TERROR!
21 Tuesday Oct 2008
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Tags
3-D, halloween, horradorable, In-Between: A Halloween Poem, movie reviews, movies, October, October Country, ray bradbury, the nightmare before christmas, Tim Burton
I wrote this movie review last year, for a potential movie review gig. It’s about that time of the year again…so I thought I’d share:
“. . . There the terror is pure.
There an All Hallows grave
Can save souls that might smother
From calm dad or sweet mother.”
—Ray Bradbury, “In-Between: A Halloween Poem”
Ray Bradbury is a storyteller who knows why Halloween, spooks, and frights are important—so is Tim Burton, and he beautifully illustrates the point in his mismatched holiday classic, The Nightmare Before Christmas, now re-released in theaters, for the second year, in 3D. Certainly, the denizens of Halloweentown know, singing, “Life’s no fun without a good scare.”
The story is simplistic, but the best fairytales are. Jack Skellington, the monarch of Halloween, grows bored with scares and screams and seeing the new challenges and excitement of Christmas, commands his subjects to help him take over the execution of that holiday. Not plot driven, Nightmare is a heady visual draught, a Halloween dream woven in images and moods. Roger Ebert praised the original release of the film, saying its creators “made a world here that is as completely new as the worlds we saw for the first time in such films as Metropolis, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari or Star Wars.” And indeed, the visuals are so unique that “Burtonesque” is now in the cinema lexicon. The new 3D element makes this phantasmal world even more immersive.

Burton has stated that inspiration came to him at a store changing out the Halloween merchandise for Christmas displays: the juxtaposition of ghouls and Santa—and the best images of the film are the ones mixing Christmas and Halloween, the delightful and the ghastly: a coffin shaped sleigh led by skeletal reindeer, Christmas lights strung about an electric chair, and in no other movie have I seen a character try and discover the true meaning of Christmas by dissecting a teddy bear.
This is what Burton does; he mixes horror and humor and somehow makes it innocent through his favorite medium, the misfit. These elements come together in one of my favorite scenes: Sally, an animated rag doll and secret admirer of Jack, prepares a gift basket for the Pumpkin King and makes ready to escape her abusive creator. Opening the window, she looks wistfully towards Jack’s house, then jumps, crashing several stories below, her body breaking into pieces. Then, just as wistfully, the way a lovesick teenager might pick petals off a lily, she sews herself back together and heads for Jack’s. It’s a neat bit of dialogue-free storytelling. In any other movie, this would have been a tragic scene—a teen suicide for unrequited love. Instead, Burton makes the scene sweet and he does so using the very element that makes it macabre: the fact that Sally is an undead doll that can put herself back together.
Forgiving the simple plot, I have only one complaint: at 76 minutes, I would have liked a little longer to further develop Jack and Sally’s relationship or maybe better develop the villain, Oogie Boogie. I would attribute the short runtime to the extensive and tedious process used to create the stop motion animation (a week’s worth of work reaped only a minute’s worth of film).
After 14 years, the film has aged well, looking dated neither technically nor in style. Actually, pop culture has caught up to its sardonic and subversive tones. For proof, note that the film was originally released under Touchstone Pictures (a division of Disney) for fear that it was too dark for children. In the 2006 3D release (as well as this year), The Nightmare Before Christmas was shown under the Disney banner. For further proof, walk into a Spencer’s or Hot Topic store—there is more Nightmare merchandise circulating than ever and a whole new generation of teenagers have made its cast of monsters into a misfit pantheon (with Jack Skellington at the head).
The media is faster and more fickle than ever. However we also live in a time when canceled TV shows and sleeper films can find a second life, resurrected by the necromancy of cult fans and DVD sales. People walk around with T-shirts featuring their favorite characters from 80s video games. Media fades, but iconic images endure, and Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas is teeming with them.