Incidentally, the title of my novel used to be, WHAT THE F@$# IS HE DOING WITH THAT CADAVER.

07 Tuesday Feb 2012
Posted in Uncategorized
Incidentally, the title of my novel used to be, WHAT THE F@$# IS HE DOING WITH THAT CADAVER.

20 Tuesday Dec 2011
Posted in Uncategorized
Tags
absinthe, autopsies, Booked podcast, business card, Cask of Amontillado, Clive Barker, first novel, horradorable, Ichabod Knock, interview, Jane Doe, Livius Nedin, Nyx, Perfect Strangers, Poe, review, Robb Olson, Russian, simon meeks, strangeness in the proportion, the Critic, vampires, white wolf, World of Darkness
Would you like to hear a story? This is a good one. And very short. This is the story and the story goes: Simon meets Janie D. at work. She tells him who hurt her. She smiles. This is love. This is rigor mortis.
My first novel, Strangeness in the Proportion, is now available in print. This makes me more than a little giddy, more than a little, “Cousin Larry, we so happy, we do the dance of joy.” Why not buy a copy and share my giddiness?
If we can define power as the degree one affects the universe — and if we agree that buying a book by a mega-popular author (say Steven King) has less effect on his universe (by degrees) than a less popular, less accomplished author — then we can conclude that buying Strangeness may just be the most powerful purchase you make this year.
My tome received a blushingly nice review from the cool cats over at the Booked podcast.
Also did an interview with them the following week.
Not so long ago, I was somewhat worried that no one would like Simon and his scalpels and head full of undead crows and cadaver romancing. But people seem to be falling for the little weirdo. That almost feels more important to me than whether or not they liked the book. Maybe I’m just attached. We’ve been co-living in my head for over half a decade.

I recently ordered some business cards. I can’t resist Poe references. And you should respect my addiction.
To the Russian Clive Barker fans who found this blog via the internet search term “сенобиты” — I say to you:
Здравствуйте и добро пожаловать в этот дом странности.
And remember:
28 Monday Nov 2011
Posted in Uncategorized
Tags
absinthe, autopsies, Flames Rising, horradorable, Ichabod Knock, James Lowder, Jane Doe, milestones, novel, Nyx, simon meeks, strangeness in the proportion, the beast, Vampire 20th, vampires, white wolf, World of Darkness
It’s milestone time, my lovelies. My first novel is finally up for sale — Strangeness in the Proportion (published by White Wolf). Just tickle the beautiful corpse below:
Boy meets girl.
Boy looses girl.
Boy gets girl back…
…one piece at a time.
To answer a few questions about the book:
· The PDF sells for $4.99. The e-reader formats are not available yet (e-pub, kindle, etc.), but if people get the PDF at DriveThruFiction, those formats will be free for customers once available – they’ll appear as additional downloads.
· Print on demand is on the way, though I don’t know a date or price just yet (stay tuned!).
· Once all of the are formats are sorted out, the ebooks will be available at storefronts like Amazon, B&N, and the like.
And finally, in celebrating Vampire the Masquerade’s 20th anniversary, I have an essay over at FlamesRising.com about how I met the Masquerade. Warning: contains gore, slashers, and me as a grade school boy.
It’s been a long road and a surreal day. I’ve heard a few people, in retrospect, say that Vampire and World of Darkness fandom has been something more than gaming fandom, almost like the fandom for a favorite band. I feel like my favorite band asked me up on stage to play a few sets with them. Rock on.
16 Saturday Jul 2011
Posted in Uncategorized
Tags
@Suitov, apocrypha, bass, Bigfoot, exorcist, Hound of Tindalos, Ichabod Knock, Icky Facts, Icky Knock, Icky truth, Lake Michigan, Loch Ness Monster, reality blur, Shub-Niggurath, strangeness in the proportion, twitter
Do you want to know the truth about Ichabod Knock?
I of course speak of that writer (nick-named “Icky”), gonzo occultist, bass-playing exorcist, & buggerer of sisters. Maybe you even remember one of his old bands: Vestigial Limb, Necro-Ophelia, Rambunctious Homunculus, Azathoth’s Taint, or Banana Hammock. If you’ve read Strangeness in the Proportion, then you have encountered him (perhaps in more places than you realize). His exploits have built up quite a mythos. Some know these little apocryphal nuggets as THE ICKY FACTS.
A few days ago, I recieved this Tweet from @Suitov:
“Am stupidly happy that @IckyKnock actually exists. Is it true he challenged Satan for a gold banjo and Satan crapped himself?”
Like any folklore, it’s hard to know which Icky Facts have a kernel of truth, but the story @Suitov mentioned is part of the urban legend—though there is some controversy as to whether it was a banjo or a ukulele, if it was gold or silver, and whether or not it was a music contest or a two-man circle jerk.
I myself recently stumbled upon an apocryphal tale involving Icky Knock, a bottle of tequila, and eldritch fertility rites in a dark woods. There are those who say a full third of Shub-Niggurath’s thousand young bare a suspicious resemblance to Icky Knock, but the bastard pays no child support.
@Suitov shared some Icky Facts that I had not uncovered in my research. Including:
*The Loch Ness Monster used to live in Lake Michigan until Icky Knock wanted to have a swim.
*IckyKnock once told a Hound of Tindalos to “go sit in the corner” and look what happened.
*When asked about the old adage about shoe size and penis size, Bigfoot said “If it were true, Icky Knock would wear canoes.”
What Icky Knock stories have you folks heard? Please share.
Do you really want to know the truth about Ichabod Knock?
Icky was very helpful in researching my book—particularly the bits of paranormal lore of Chicago. But…things have gotten weird. Icky jokes that he invented me as a character, as part of some experiment. He says he kept a child in a ritual circle in the basement, constantly clapping, just to maintain me during the novel writing process. That’s silly. He says if I turn away from the computer, there will be nothing there. Ridiculous. I haven’t turned away yet. I’m scared. I’m not turning away. I’m real. I’m fucking real!
06 Monday Jun 2011
Posted in Uncategorized
Looky, looky, lovelings!
There is now a Facebook page for my novel, Strangeness in the Proportion.
Take a peak. Hit the LIKE button. More fun stuff to come.
05 Tuesday Apr 2011
Posted in Uncategorized
Tags
absinthe, autopsy, horradorable, Jane Doe, milestones, necrophile, novel, scalpel, simon meeks, strangeness in the proportion, white wolf, writing
Several weeks ago, I found myself editing a chapter of my book and yelling at a character. “You idiot!” I yelled. “Don’t do it!” But he did. He always does.
On a less pensive note, MY SERIALIZED NOVEL IS DONE! This is a project I have worked on (on and off) for well over six years, and is released by White Wolf Publishing.
The novel is called STRANGENESS IN THE PROPORTION. It is currently being discussed HERE. It will soon be sold as an ebook (and hopefully a print book as well). Right now you can read all 19 parts of it at the links bellow:
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 1
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 2
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 3
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 4
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 5
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 6
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 7
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 8
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 9
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 10
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 11
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 12
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 13
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 14
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 15
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 16
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 17
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 18
Strangeness in the Proportion, part 19
But What’s the Book About?
Well…
Synopsis #1 (provided by the narrator)
Would you like to hear a story?
This is a good one. And very short.
This is the story and the story goes: Simon meets Janie D. at work. She tells him who hurt her. She smiles. This is love. This is rigor mortis.
The end.
There is a longer story. The devils all lurk in the details.
Synopsis #2
Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy gets girl back…one piece at a time.
Synopsis #3
An absinthe addicted forensic pathologist (with a ghost tree full of undead ravens living inside his head) must enter a frightening, supernatural world to get his precious Jane Doe back.
Synopsis #4
Necrophiles need love too. They just have to dig down deep for it.
Synopsis #5 (a visual flow chart of the plot)
I’ll leave the book to speak for the rest.
That’s it. Milestone. With the novel done I’m doing things like sleeping again and responding to communications like, “Hey! Hey you! You can’t stand there!”
I also hope to get back to neglected things. Like this blog. Stay tuned.
23 Sunday Jan 2011
Posted in Uncategorized
Tags
age of conan, funcom, haikus, Innsmouth Press, James Lowder, Killer Works, long term, novels, Poe, Present Bias, pseudopod, Rise of the Godslayer, short term, snake brains, strangeness in the proportion, The Book of Dead Things, This Endless Present
Writing a novel is the agony of going against every hard-wired stitch of the cross-hatched, multi-billion-year-evolved survival instinct programming of immediate gratification. Writing a haiku, by comparison, is the bliss of being that much closer to the primal, monkey-brained drive that says, “Yes, I want to eat that snake’s head. I want to eat it now!”
I had recent occasion to experience both. I placed in a novel contest and a haiku contest.
Strangeness in the Proportion
Several years ago, I won a novel contest. Between the then and the now, on and off, I worked on various drafts of this novel with the publisher (White Wolf Games) and my editor, James Lowder. It was hard. Really hard. Nearly busted my brain a few times. Nothing for respect for anyone that has gone through this process.
This winter, my big hunk of scrawling became available. My mutant child is all ready for company. It’s called Strangeness in the Proportion. It is available, currently, as a 17 part serial over at White Wolf’s site.
You can find it HERE.
You can subscribe to the RSS feed HERE.
It’s received some nice comments so far. I will definitely feed it an extra bucket of fish heads tonight.
Poe Haiku
In my convalescence, as I strained foreign objects out of my liquid brains and funneled it back up my nose (using reversed Egyptian techniques), I wrote something much smaller, entering a contest calling for Edgar Allen Poe themed haiku. It was bliss. A quick burst of creativity, pen scratching, emailing, and then input and accolades.
Here are the haiku I entered:
Thirty-two pearly
I-love-you-nots. So in love,
I can’t hear the screams
Whisper
on your
shoulder.
You know
my name.
Just two
beats of
horror
Per Verse.
The Eight Chained Ourangoutangs!
Dwarf love conquers all,
And smells of burnt hair.
“And I held illimitable
dominion over all.”
Applause.
Red Death sits.
Black Death begins.
They made a mistake
T’was sharp senses, not madness
The heart beats. It waits.
I thank the practice I’ve received from lots of recent twitter-story (short stories in 140 characters) writing. Both forms call for the same discipline in implied story (to be discussed in an upcoming post).
The Present Bias
The human current human brain really isn’t any different than the one that sat in the skulls of our grandaddies n’ mommies who hunted mastodon. That brain still has trouble with the concept of the future. It’s predisposed to the now. That is the Present Bias. Big projects like novels go against that. So when is it worth transcending? When is it worth playing to the strengths of the now (and taking glorious 4th…er…half of 4th)?
Growing pains in the skull, right along the faultiness of the suture-cracks, that’s what you have to look forward too, but the agony is just a reminder that you are on to something better, bigger, if only can keep your focus and—
Mmmmm…snake brains…
Google Me…No One’s Looking…
While we’re on the subject of places stained by my ink, let me list some other places that still feature my writing (as a way of assessing myself in the new year, a time to make resolutions of transcending snake brain mastication).
Over at the This Endless Present (an online publication dedicated to dreams), you can read about a nightmare I had (it’s in the first part of the 3rd issue). I don’t know whether to call the piece fiction, or what I should do with it. I woke up, during my first month in Norway, and jotted it all down, as fast as I could go, before I could forget. I don’t normally have nightmares (especially ones that follow so vivid a narrative). I like it though. There was no overactive self-editor, as I was half asleep. I just wrote.
I have an article on the joys of audio fiction up at KillerWorks.com.
My short story, “Blood, Snow, and Sparrows” can be read in The Book of Dead Things and can also be listened to on Pseudopod.
And still (Still!) I have a short story up at BloodlustUK.com, titled “Varmints”. It is the first thing I ever had published. Be gentle.
These days, my daytime gig is writing video game dialogue and story. For the last year and a half, I’ve worked for Funcom (in Norway and now in Montreal). I write for the Age of Conan MMO, mostly in the Rise of the Godslayer expansion, and on some upcoming material.
Very recently, I’ve been playing with an idea for an anthropamorphic animal story, but not a kids story. I think it has its roots in childhood viewings of the The Secret of NIMH and Watership Down.
That evil rabbit haunted my boyhood as much as any movie monster.
Sleep tight, lovelings.
02 Monday Nov 2009
Posted in Uncategorized
Did you have a merry Halloween, lovelings?
Did you all hail to the pumpkin song?
Did you recall youth in the cinnamon scents and the sticky sweat/saliva seal of a rubber mask?
Did you look at a Jack O’ Lantern and contemplate metaphors for inner light and the power of a wicked grin?
Did you find the that fine line between a joyous sugar comma and acute diabetes?
I had a night of it, here in Oslo, dressed as a mad-goggled Jack the Ripper. But I still miss Halloween back at home, with friends, in Ray Bradbury’s October Country. Perhaps there will be pics to come. I did manage to snap a few, not in full costume, before I collapsed at about 5 am.

All Saints Day
Right. Back to work.
Today is All Saints Day.
Today is Day of the Dead.
Today was the first day of serious work on polishing my horror novel, Strangeness in the Proportion. The Prologue of the novel begins on the Day of the Dead. So this all seems fitting.
What’s funny is going back and doing research after the fact. I know of the Day of the Dead and have a pretty good general idea of it (one class trip, in junior high involved heading to Chicago during the holiday and checking out a Latin culture art exhibit on the Day of the Dead…it was a memorable trip). But I’m not an expert. In said Prologue, I have some children eating sugar-spun skulls as a bit of imagery (seems like something to do during the Day of the Dead). I’ve since looked it up and found out that…not only are such skulls plausible…they exist.
It’s all connected!



Today was mostly more organization and shoving this freaking book back into my head space. I’ll start racking up a real word count either tomorrow or Tuesday. I have about 100,000 odd words to sift through. My strategy is to sprint through the novel in the first 3 weeks, make the corrections that come to me (or that I’ve noted in the meantime) without dwelling and then taking a week to look at the book as a whole and make further adjustments from there.
Stay tuned for more hints on the misadventures of Simon Meeks, my absinthe addicted, Buster Keaton-stepping, hyper-eccentric forensic pathologist.
I preach death to self-doubt…but that’s not because I’ve purged myself of that insidious demon. To the contrary. Earlier today I felt very small and useless. That’s an ongoing battle. And so….
…the self-doubt kill of the day: I covered the monster in honey and buried it in a fire ant hill. Self-Doubt screamed and begged for mercy. I put in my earbuds and drowned it out with some Danny Elfman and "Thriller", and got to work. Before it died, Self-Doubt mouthed, “I’ll be back.” I told it that’s ok, I’ve got a prodigious and wicked imagination.
*The Belated Demon Doll of Key West*
I promised to retell the story of how I met Robert, the reputedly possessed doll of Key West. Sorry I couldn’t get to it for Halloween, but I’ll do my best to properly tell the anecdote by this coming weekend.
30 Friday Oct 2009
Posted in Uncategorized
Happy pumpkin season and witching hour.
Remember to follow the Ignus Fatuus glow.
And ask Stingy Jack for a lantern.
Once upon a time, I won a novel contest. Many and many a year ago…
And now that’s finally heading towards fruition. My editor contacted me. White Wolf has given the go on continuity and such. Time to dig out the current draft of the manuscript…shove it back into my head…
November, which is NanoWrimo month, will see me on my own novel scramble. I’ll be polishing about 100,000 words (give or take). Conan dialogue writing by day and novel by night.
“All work and no play…makes Jack a dull boy.”
Thankfully I won’t have time to type that all over a page or on the walls or ceiling. That never leads to anything good anyway. Though I can make pretty nifty faces threw axe-holes in doors. But I digress.
So.
Novel.
What’s it about?
Well, while writing twitter-sized micro stories (140 characters a story) I did manage to distill it down to six little sentences:
I met Jane D. at work. She tells me who hurt her. Her hand tightens around mine. She smiles. This is love. This is rigor mortis.
Also…going over my notes…I did manage to find this handy, sophisticated, visual-plot flowchart that outlines the many nuances of the novel.

That’s all for now. Check back for more. I’ll surface from the pile of writing from time to time over the month, to update you all on the gory particulars of an unraveling mind and a deadline. Good luck on all of you participating in NanoWrimo. Keep me updated. I’ll keep you updated. And we’ll all get out of this alive.
Deal?
Remember, carpal tunnel is the enemy. Stretch! Limber up.
And self-doubts are little imps best brutalized with pipe wrenches, chainsaws, and falling anvils that you create in your head. It’s not enough to just say they’re dealt with. You really gotta anthropomorphize them and imagine brutally slaying them.
It works.
Do it.
I want to start hearing you all comparing self-doubt kills of the week in bloody detail. I want the kill counts to wrack up with the word counts. Splatter those pages with gory ink!
Hurrah!
Semper fi!
Kobra Kai!
Do or die!
Go!
31 Sunday Aug 2008
Posted in Uncategorized
Been gone a while.
No posts, no clever-cute-cute-too-too-clever-oh-so-cleverness.
I finished the novel draft, the White Wolf, World of Darkness novel: Strangeness in the Proportion.
I had thought that upon completion I would type up a giant, celebratory post full of exclamation points, minutes after finishing the last sentence, finger leaving the period and shift key, shaking, supercharged and twisted on an accomplishment high. The truth is that I finished the thing and sent it all in about a week ago and I pretty much crashed…napping and napping and daydreaming and barely touching my keyboard or phone for several days—too burnt out on the subject to even talk about it (all the ghoulish details of cadaverous love and whether or not it works in this draft…the ghost tree that grows, upside down in the protagonist’s head and how it’s full of wise-cracking wraith crows and how that all came about out of nowhere in this draft…and such…).
I also wanted to give a more detailed description of what went on in the process of this draft…but I’m pretty wiped and would rather just move forward. Long story short, it was a learning experience, a book length plot. It took too long—I worked too long on this draft, and my momentum left me before I got to the end. I definitely have a better idea of how to handle a draft of a novel, but it was learned the hard way. Some things worked. Some might not. Some I could not tell by the end because I’d been too close to the material for too long. I went through a few writer highs…but the end was very challenging…I went through many spells of feeling useless, small, talentless, and “should I even be a writer?” type of drivel (I’ll spare you all the particulars).
I think the motifs of the piece: absinthe, scalpels, silent films, cards, eccentric romance…I think those work better this time around.
If I owe anyone emails or answers to internet surveys or kidneys or pints of blood, I do apologize. The last month or two I’ve been hermetically sealed away. I’m out now. I’m catching up.
In two or three weeks, I’ll hear back from the editor. And I’ll look at the book and comments with, hopefully, fresh eyes.
Right now I’m recharging.
How are all of you lovelings?