Esteemed ladies and gentlemen of the scientific community – tonight it is my pleasure to present to you the findings in an experiment of hidden magnitude. Since mankind crawled from the primordial ooze and looked up defiantly at the tyrannous stars above, the abyss of sky has only offered us questions. But our work answers those questions-as numerous-as-stars. Maybe they will never all be answered, but we can only continue on the journey of discovery, hope that each experiment, each finding, each truth, throws a tiny match, a Promethean flame into the dark chasm of ignorance.
Tonight I present just one more truth.
Women in fedoras are HOT.
This appears to be, not a random trend, but rule, dictated by physics as steadily and unwavering as gravity itself. The proof is there. Observe my field recordings (chart A, B, and C). Feast your input hungry eyes on these tables of empirical data:
I think you will agree that the proof is most complete. However, this is still a theory and not a law of science. Every study has its limitations, this one included, and should someone further this study with their own experiment, they would do well to add variable subjects in the form of women who are not hot to begin with, and thus add the fedora and see the effects (I unfortunately had no such subjects available to me on the night in the field.).
Thank you and goodnight!
This study brought to you by
THE BROTHERS DOETSCH FOUNDATION: exploring the science of hot women
That’s right, the Doetsch brothers, the face of rational science in the new millennium.
I would have to agree with the Doetsch brothers on this one. But I would like to point out that these women are hot with or without the fedoras…just an observation. You would not want to make a general statement like “Women in fedoras are HOT.” Allow me to introduce chart D:
I am sure Josh can find a way to post the pic I am trying to introduce here…
Oh my god. That looks like a coked out annie lenox! HAHAHAHAHA. Why, that could be josh’s variable…the ugly shemale who still looks bad in fedora…
Maybe instead of saying “all women in fedoras are hot,” I will revise my thesis to saying “A woman in a fedora is exponentially hotter.” One can only imagine what that lady in that picture looks like without a fedora…
I will need to run further tests.
Are you saying my naked head is ugly? Sorry – girls’ rights dictate that we can turn around anything good you say and take it badly. ^_^
Re: Hey wait…
you have too much hair to have a naked head…shave it off and we will let you know.
Re: Hey wait…
Yes…this reversal of logic (good/bad; bad/good) could be the subject of a seperate, perhaps more vital, study.
Yes, the experiment is flawed, in that we had two hot girls to begin with, as noted in the conclusion of the thesis.
I must say, that last picture of Nick and Josh made me laugh quite heartily. Who would not trust such reputable scientific minds?
Thank you, thank you. Don’t those faces scream scientific thought and sanity?
I have also found that girls look much better than I do in all of my hats, especially my touring hat. They are just hot!