So my little payment book from my loan consolidation came in today.


Wow . . .


The amount of money built up in student loans and credit cards through undergrad and grad school is truly staggering.  As are the monthly payments.  I had designs on getting some little job, concentrate on the writing, and live with the parents a few months until prospects open up.  But now, I need to get a full time job that pays pretty decent, and maybe a couple other things on the side, just to break even each month – and that’s just on debt and credit bills, that’s living in a room with no rent and not giving my folks the support they richly deserve – which means I may live in my parents’ house for the rest of my natural existence (and based on what rent is like in the underworld, I may have to haunt their house for a few years).


All of my mathematic calculations seem to indicate . . . that had I impregnated a random girl in the middle of high school and dropped out, I’d be in slightly better financial straights (and have a little bundle that I could look at and say “I’m doing this for him/her” rather than feeding this hungry, faceless, monthly “it”).  I’d be down a few degrees . . . but then, a $5.00 poster could cover that space on the wall.


Maybe I’ll have to put this writing thing on the backburner for a while (or at least relegate back to hobby status).


Yeesh . . . what was that I wrote about the word “settle” and taking “the first step to dying,” just a couple of posts down?


Yeah . . .


EDIT:  God, I hate sounding melodramatic-melancholic (there’s enough of those little journals floating around on the web and most of them sound so fucking insipid).  Ladies and gentleman of the jury, please strike the above from the record.  We’ll take a brief recess.



RE-EDIT:  See what I did up there, just now?  How I was able to get the selfish self-indulgence of the melancholy blog post . . . but then distance myself from it and take higher ground by striking it . . . but still retaining the original self-indulgence by keeping the words up?  Yes.  Joshua is a clever-sharp lad – he is, he is.