I LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow…that is a load off. Even my Cherry Coke (I rewarded myself with a sugary cola) tastes triumphant – shot of caffeine and ego, firing my synapses at the speed of sound.

I just got through the most rigorous three weeks of my life. Three weeks of exercising and fighting all day (sometimes at night as well)……….fighting for 7 – 15 hours a day. Along with the learning and the hours, this course allowed for adjudication by someone from the fight director’s guild. It’s not a guaranteed pass…but if you do pass, you can get certified with proficiency in unarmed combat and single sword rapier (the two “weapons” being taught in class).

The test involves two scenes, one with a fist fight – another with a sword fight. My partner was my younger brother, Nick, who was also taking the class.

First of all, we leaned on our strengths. We’re good presenters and used to working crowds together. I think a lot of the class noticed this and even told us we have good “chemistry” (years of built up brotherly telepathy). We also have good storytelling instincts and chose some good scenes (there was a pool of “samples” but we wanted our own).

For scenes, you’re allowed to choose anything that involves two characters in conflict. The characters don’t need to fight (the fight doesn’t even need to make sense with the rest of the story) they just need to be in some sort of verbal conflict…and you work the words into the standard, choreographed fights (with some tweaks and customizations).

The dialogue is very short (the fight goes quickly) so Nick and I decided on well established characters. That way, they would have all sorts of emotional subtext for the audiences, before we even started, and we could milk some fun reactions.

So…a little sliver of dialogue from The Odd Couple, an argument about throwing a cup, turned into an unarmed battle royal between Felix and Oscar (I got to be Oscar). An argument between Cyrano and Christian…turns into a tragic sword fight where Cyrano (me) not so purposefully kills his friend (the girls in the class said they felt like crying).

Some of our sword technique was a bit shaky…but we passed both and now are certified with proficiency in Unarmed and Single-Sword Rapier stage combat.

We both ordered stage combat ready rapiers from a guy in Lincoln Park (he’s a friend of our instructor). So we can keep practicing over the summer (what will the neighbor’s think when they look out their window into the backyards???

I’m back in Northern IL…..yay!

There’s more to type…but I’m going to rest these battered, tired bones…

night……………………..

Ahhhh….not much time for posting. If I’m not at Stage Combat Practice…I’m practicing after hours, icing and fixing the bodily damage I’m sustaining…getting a few laughs/drinks/movies in with the other students…or sleeping. Here’s some random stuff from the week.

-Learning things like aikido roles, falls, punches, kicks, flipping each other over (without hurting each other), learning all sorts of interesting new ways to bend my body, rapier fighting, sword saluting, sword thursts and swings, dozens of blocks/defenses/stances, quarter staff fighting.

-Tonight, after regular practice, we had a visit by one of the instructor’s friends who gave us a little workshop on film combat.

-The combat students are all cool and we’ve formed a pretty tight group (we’re from all sorts of various places in the state and country). We’re having crazy, college level fun…when we have spare moments. Over the weekend we did some partying in Bloomington. I kicked some ass at a game of flip cup (but only when I was drunk…not so good at it sober). I did some magic tricks…but wowed everyone (and committed a sleight of hand first for myself…and possibly magician’s everywhere) when I vanished a strawberry flavored condom in my hands…then produced it from my pants (safe sex and chicanery…that’s me).

-On Sunday…us stage combat folk took Nick and another student (Diago), blindfolded them, and dumped them into Eureka Lake, to celebrate their respective birthdays. That water really smells…

-I’m in desperate need for a tactile experience (other than flesh smashing into gym mat).

-The teacher says I have a GREAT snap kick (never thought of myself as a kicker).

-My ribs finally seem to be healing.

-Ice is good…Advil is gooder.

-Rum is goodest.

-I want to be a pirate…I’ve got rum drinking down and am working on the sword fighting and I don’t get sea sick. I’m just about there.

-I’m trying to sneak writing in here and there (haven’t done any real writing in far too long…chimerical demons are birthing in my head and they need some release soon)…but it’s hard to find the time.

-This update was brought to you by the words “Chicanery” and “Chimerical.” Look them up…grow…

PAX!

So I scored as Yoda…but I scored just about as high as Darth Vader…which would be a strange and wonderful amalgam I think…

You scored as Yoda. Yoda 72% Darth Vader 69% General Grievous 56% Anakin Skywalker 50% Obi Wan Kenobi 50% R2-D2 42% Padme Amidala 39% Mace Windu 39% Chewbacca 36% C-3PO 36% Emperor Palpatine 33% Clone Trooper 31% Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

It’s been 4 days of intense stage combat…and I feel like I’ve been here for several weeks.

Yesterday was painful. Very painful. The instructor said that was the day that would be painful. The whole class moved like the geriatric. But we’ve sort of eclipsed that. Our muscles are starting to catch up, our bodies a little more flexible.

But I have another pain. Three days ago, we were playing a warm up game called Assassin. When you get tagged, you have to die horribly and dramatically. I, in the excitement of my horrid death, fell badly. I managed to wedge my right fist (knuckles up) under my upper, right ribs. The floor drove my first two knuckles into said ribs with the force of the fall (which was pretty hard).

I ignored it the rest of the day. The day after, the pain was very noticeable, but I ignored it again (I’m a high school basketball kid, from the school of thought of “walk it off”). Today, the pain was a worse. There isn’t a noticeable mark. I think I bruised myself underneath the surface. And all our morning activities call for full body movements (warm ups, stretches, situps, pushups, tumbles, and falls) ignite my right chest with pain. Today I had to hold back a bit from practicing some of the falls. Sword and quarterstaff fighting doesn’t seem to bother it too much. But it isn’t any better. If I breath deeply, it hurts.

But enough whining. Classes are tough…but it’s very interesting. I have a new respect for stage combat that I could not have had before this. Take sword fighting. There are a million things you have to learn and know and breathe before you even pick up the sword. Muscles you don’t use every day, just to hold the weapon right. Muscles you have to develop (in our hellish warm up exercises) just so you can stand right and assume the correct body positions for any of the combat stuff. Or ways of relaxing shoulder muscles that we’re programmed to tense up when we use our arms. Etc. Then you pick up the sword and there are far, far more things to learn. Stances, blocks, positioning, foot work, lunges, the list goes on and on. We studied some old fencing books and drawings from the Renaissance. That was pretty neat.

OK…I need to get my soar ass to bed.

MY KINGDOM FOR A MASSAGE!!!

I’m very tired…so here’s some fragmented recollections…

Drove to Kentucky over the weekend to see my teacher and one of my writing mentors, Nancy Perkins, get married. The drive was long and, at 3am, a very cute girl at the Super 8 Hotel desk complemented my fedora. Ah road crushes…so ethereal.

At the wedding I saw some fellow writing students and former teachers. Many people who never saw me in a suit before (I finally broke down this year, and got myself one). I decided to go all black…except for a red tie. Got lots of flattery. “Wow Josh, you look good!” “Doesn’t Josh look sharp?” “He looks like he drove a hearse.”

I took that last one as a complement.

Drove back home (6.5 hours). Picked up some things, and my serpentine companion, Lenore, and drove down to Eureka (3 hours). I slept a couple of hours at most and then had my first day of stage combat training. It was pretty grueling, running 8 to 5 (as it will for the next three weeks). I hurt in places I didn’t know I had.

We did a warm up (which was more of a work out). Practiced falls, unarmed combat, rapier techniques, and then quarterstaff. I think I enjoyed the rapier the most (I would have thought it’d have been the hardest). It felt very focused and right and it came to me easier than the other stuff. I like the foot work and the various stances.

And tomorrow begins another day so I’m going to drink some NyQuill and try and break my nocturnal ways…at least for the next few weeks. The other students think we should get some plastic light sabers and use some of our newfound skills in the evenings, after class, at the dorm house.

OK…time to sleep.

Oh…I advanced in the novel contest I entered. You can read about it HERE. I entered the contest, sending in a synopsis for a novel set in the company’s fictional world. Now I get fifty dollars and a chance to write the opening chapter. If I get passed that, I (and the other winners) get a thousand bucks and then write the entire novel. The best of that is chosen and given an advance on the royalties of the published book.

Wish me luck.

Now it’s time for sleep…

I’m back in Northern IL!!!

There are trees here. Chicago’s close enough that I think I might be able to smell it.

Ah…but it looks like, unexpectedly, I will be heading back to Central Illinois come Monday, for the stage combat training in Eureka, for three weeks. They have another slot open, so I grabbed it. I enjoy not knowing where I’ll be week to week, day to day. Saturday I’ll be at a wedding for my writing mentor in Kentucky. Monday I’ll be sword fighting. Who knows after that…

Haven’t had time to fool around with that seductive harlot, the internet, in quite some time.  A busy week…there is too much…let me sum up…

-The weekend before last – I reached a higher peak of drunkenness then ever I climbed.  It’s a dizzying view from that height.  Sorry Torrie…I didn’t mean to drink your whole bottle of expensive liqueur.  In my mind, at the time, we were all passing it around in a joyous circle…but I apparently only passed it to my face.  But fear not…I suffered for it mightily come morning (it doesn’t taste like blue on the way out!).

-End of the year, red tape BS at my school…boring and not worth going over.

-Got a call from Genenda (my ex).  She was desperate to find someone to teach a couple 2^nd and 4^th grade classes some improv theatre as she had to be at a job interview in Cicero on that day.  I was happy to help.  I have fun with kids…which makes me realize that, in the distant future, I will eventually have to become a parent…because, in this day and age, it does not pay to be an eccentric, adult male who “likes children” (thanks a lot Michael!).  In fact, I think I’d do ok at teaching…except I’d hate dealing with problem parents…and they probably don’t want to deal with me, since I tend to dress like the guy on all the neighborhood watch signs.  

-Anyway, the classes went well.  Genenda’s interview was cancelled, so she taught the class with me…our first real face to face interface in quite a while.  Afterwards, we went back to her place and had a talk.   Lot’s of awkward pauses there.  But, we verbally acknowledged the awkward pauses…thus stripping them of their wicked powers.  Tension.  Then…somehow…we slipped into doing more than talking.  Neither of us planned this, neither of us really initiated it, and it didn’t (in the end) change anything, and we were both up front about that.  We both tried, really hard, to feel bad about it…but I think we both failed.  Smiles.  Awkward smiles, but smiles none the less.

-That night (Thursday) was senior boat…and I got to visit the seniors that I remember as freshmen (sniff, sniff).  I like boat rides…my head feels very clear on open water…even in Peoria (I swear…you could get STDs by swimming in that shit).  Then, Wil and Brandy (the other Brandy) went out to karaoke.  Wil and I sang some Cherry Poppin’ Daddies.  At some point, I made a crack about something or other and Brandy turned to Wil and said, “Why doesn’t his wit rub off on you?” 🙂

-Saturday was graduation for said seniors.  Then a party at Wil’s place, which was a lot of fun.  Some of my favorite teachers even made it out for drinking and darts and disturbing humor.  I think Val, Wil, and I will likely get together this summer and compare writing notes…which would be very cool.

-At some point I left Wil’s with Steve and Nick.  We must have had a good time as we woke up in the only place we could find sleep…the storage room at Nick’s frat house (luckily…beds were amongst the items stored).

-Oh….and Friday, I was “exonerated” (my teacher promissed) for winning best critical essay of the year for my Shakespeare essay, The Fool: the irreverent wisdom card of the archetype tarot deck.  I unfortunately didn’t get an email about this event until the night before and had to work during it.  I got there just in time for someone to tell me it had ended a moment ago.  I did get my certificate and Dr. Lewis thanked me for all my work.  I feel kind of guilty that I wrote that essay the night before…but not much.

So now I’m moved out…but still in Springfield and will head back up to Northern Illinois after the Green Day concert on Tuesday.

CALLING ALL CENTRAL IL FOLK (AND ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS AN EAR TO LEND)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s the end of the year for the Eureka crowd (and other crowds besides).  As your ambassador, I have negotiated a party with the wonderful Amy and Jeramie, at their place. 

EVERYONE HAS TO BE THERE!!!

This is for old time sake.  Don’t worry about any “practical” thing you have to do right now.  You won’t remember that test or bit of packing or what not 20 years from now.  You WILL remember partying with your friends tonight.

Everyone should be there starting around 9pm until…hehe…let’s not limit ourselves with specifics there.

Bring mixer stuff (Coke, orange juice, etc.).

If you need a ride, call the network…there’s enough of us, you’ll get there.

I will see you all tonight.

Thanks to all for the happy birthday wishes.

Yesterday was a quite sort of birthday as people were either far away from Springfield or sick…though I plan on doing a bit of belated celebration (after all…doing something late, is doing it very, very, very early from the right perspective).

Torrie gave me an awesome three foot gummy snake that is roughly the size of Lenore (I even took her out to compare). Thanks Torrie!!!

I talked on the phone with various family and friends. Talked to my little sister in New York (who I haven’t talked to in a while). We went on, a thousand words a minute, updating each other. It’s weird how that sibling relationship has changed since she went off to school. Not that I never talked to her or did anything with her when we were younger and at home (we were a close family)…but she was always the baby sibling and Nick and I did our own thing. Now…the conversations are much more of a peer nature…we even agreed that everyone had to go our for drinks when she got home (my little sister can drink with me at the bar……………….weird!).

Genenda called to wish me a happy birthday. It was a nice call. We talked for a long time (Barnes and Noble had to eventually kick me out). After the copious conversation with my ex, I was hit by a bittersweet…and very acute feeling of loneliness. So I drove back to my apartment…swishing the bitter and the sweet around in my mouth. The flavor stayed with me the rest of the night.

“It’s hard to believe
That I’m all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me.”
-Red Hot Chilli Peppers, “Under the Bridge”

Wait! Hold up.

Springfield…I don’t think you really love me. In fact, you treat me like crap sometimes. I mean…if you really loved me, maybe you’d stay awake with me once in a while instead of shutting down so early. I’ve done the morning thing all week…but have you given me any night time lately. NO! You always have a head ache…or road construction.

I get up for breakfast, every so often…but you hardly ever make me a cup of late night coffee. You never show me a midnight movie. This relationship is all going one way and I’m at the stinky end of the river run-off.

You’re not very nice to my friends…maybe if you were they’d come by and visit every once in a while. That’s cool…I’ll go visit them…but then you nag and nag and nag for me to come back and take care of one job or another.

What am I saying? Well…it’s over. I want to see other cities.

No…I don’t have a plan as such. I think I’ll go up north, visit some of my good buddies – Wauconda, Napperville, McHenry, and the whole Lake family (Island Lake, Crystal Lake, Lake Zurich, Round Lake…) – the old gang. I think I just want to be around my friends.

Then…I don’t know, I want to maybe try and see other cities. I might go visit Chicago…I’ve always liked her, we’ve had on and off flings going on for years…friends with benefits. Maybe I’ll go on some dates with Peoria. I know…she’s a bit skanky…but when she’s sober enough, she shows me a good time (even if I have to protect myself from all those diseases).

I think I’ll hang out with Bloomington and Normal. They’re a cute married couple and I’ve always had fun hanging with them.

Sigh…I guess this is it. I’ll be back in the Fall. Hopefully we can keep things from getting too weird. It’s time we parted ways Springfield…I hope we can be friends.

Ah…coping mechanism, thy name is Allegory

Today is my birthday and Lenore was so excited she jumped out of her skin.