Last night, I wrote something that disturbed me, which is kind of scary…but kind of exciting too.

Today…
My lunch came up 6.66 and I had to grin.
My alternative loan came up 0.00 and I had to frown.

This morning, I lost my sense of humor. I always knew it was a pretty good defense mechanism for me – to cope against the nasty things and the banal things in the world…but I never realized, how much it shielded me…until I felt all that bad stuff rain down, unprotected and naked. It was pretty bleak. I felt like Don Quixote at the end of The Man of La Mancha – laying, feeble in bed, with all his illusions gone.

I have it back now. Bullet proof vest. Shields up. Wear your rubbers. Wear a rubber. All systems go. I’m chasing windmills again.

And I don’t know what it is lately…if in my sleep, I do circus tricks on my bed and stand on my head for hours, followed by displays of back flips and body contortions…but my neck HURTS. I just want someone to rub my neck and whisper that everything will be all right…or maybe just hum the Mario Brothers or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles themes in my ear…that’d help too.

This isn’t a complaint post, just an update. At the end of the day (and my life happens at the end of the day) I’m writing a hip, epic poem – I walked onto this school’s stage for the first time and snagged the lead role (one I always wanted to play) – and I have long hair that induces numerous hot girls to play with it.

I can’t complain too much.

I just found out Kevin Smith is doing a sequel to Clerks (Clerks II: the Passion of the Clerks). This means, amongst many other things, that Nick and I can milk our Jay & Silent Bob personas for at least a few more years to come.

Joy.

Check out the video journal of the making of the movie.

Also, I just discoverd Kevin Smith’s blog.

In the last few days…

I broke in my pirate hat – my pirate beard is growing in (and all should be ready by Halloween time) – learned more Oedipus lines – wrote more voodoo/epic poetry – drank the last, little bit of my rum – had my hair played with (and once again found myself wishing I had the ability to purr…to better express my feelings at such times) – discussed the differences between women pirates and pirate wenches – received a very generous gesture from some good friends that while, not yet quite necessary, reminded me that regardless of my persecutors, be they quota crunching cops yelling “suspicious!” or loan hungry debtors shouting “deadbeat” or torch-wielders crying “evil!” . . . I’ve surrounded myself with fantastic folk who can call “bullshit!” (thanks everyone).

And now it is most definitely October and my mindscape is turning to pumpkin patches and when they’re ripe, they’ll grow faces and sing.

Eureka bound!

So I promised myself I’d just relax…and I did…but then the little voice in my head wouldn’t let me rest until I did a little writing work (damn you voice!). So I just did a little, so that I may sleep. And, in the course of working the fiction of my thesis, discovered the “real” reason Poe chose a Raven over a Parrot (originally, he was going to write “The Raven” with a parrot repeating “nevermore”).

And then, looking at the things I have written, and some of the things I have planned to write, I realize that my epic is made up, in many parts, of all sorts of little “how this came to be” myths that would give Aesop a boner.

Off the top of my head, I know we’ll learn:

-Why roses have thorns.
-Why crow cries always sound angry.
-What happened to the black bird that Noah first released (he released a black bird before he released a white one).
-Why carrion animals have to wait until someone is dead to eat them.
-Why a crow is black (and we’ll hear a lot of false versions on the way).
-How Jesus learned to walk on water.
-Who put the idea of eating an enemies eyes, into the heads of the Aztecs.
-Who put Prometheus up to taking the blame for the theft of fire (and the real thief).
-What happened on the 8th day of creation.
-Why Poe chose a raven.

And listing all these fine little mysteries makes the little voice in my head happier. So I think I can finally get to sleep. But why not share one more Aesop fable…here is the story of what compels me to get out of my bed, at five in the morning, and write…

WHY JOSH CAN’T SLEEP
There once was a little boy named Joshua.
But you can call him Josh.
Little Josh slept in the tremulous warmth of a waterbed –
slosh, slosh, slosh.
But waterbeds have no under-bed,
no frightful space beneath.
And this caused a stir amongst the monsters,
supposed to dwell underneath.
Each one of us has our monsters.
They are assigned to us at birth.
Little contracts from goblin kings,
signed by your parents,
and your parents will never tell,
bound by secrecy and goblin legalese.

And these days,
to get any sleep,
Josh has to write and type,
just to quiet the demonoide din.
And the chimerical goblins are still there,
with teeth and eyes and wings and tongues.
And if you look Josh in the eye,
from just the right angle,
they just might wink at you.
And if you stare long into his ear,
they just might slap you.
But Josh eventually grew his hair long
and that hardly ever happens…
…now…

How many Taco Bell burritos do you have to eat to achieve enlightenment?

Cause I feel like I should be there by now…

Long day.

I was going to do some writing. But I…don’t quite feel super sick…but something is on the way…so I’m going to head it off…I’m going to take load of vitamins and vegetate in front of DVDs until I fall asleep for ten hours.

My pirate hat came in!!! It will be a fun Halloween month (some people celebrate the day….I celebrate the month).

Tomorrow I shall be in Eureka!!! That’s right…the reason you bother hanging out with Nick will be back. Look me up. Say, “Hey!” Grab my ass. Whatever floats your water craft.

PS – Rich…bless the music you bestowed on me with this computer…I still hear something new every day. I’m listening to the “Brain Stew” – Godzilla remix…and I smile…

Oh,
Writing is fun
Writing is fun
Better than bang’n on pots

Writing is fun
Writing is fun
Except when it’s not
X-sept-when-it’s-not!!!

Holy shit…………………………………
…………………………..
………………………………….she’s a monster……………………..
I knew Indigos had strong jaws………….but………………………..
……………holy shit………………………………………………………
….that is the grossest……………………………………………………………
………..my little indigo snake just attacked the dead, thawed mouse I threw in….and battled the thing…………………..she squeezed so hard, with her mouth, on one end……..that its insides came out the other……………………………
I’ve never seen anything like that with a snake…………………………………
………………….it’s very gross…………………………………