Renfield and Me

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That poor crazy cat, Renfield, and I
We’re not so different.
Both of us capture insects
At the behest, of a nocturnal creature
Who hates the rays of the sun
The only difference is
He serves an undead monster
And I take care of a pet Marsupial,
Goes by the name of Rocco.
That’s our major divergence.
The job’s about the same,
Though I suppose it’s a more
Fulfilling relationship, for me.
Than it is for poor Renfield.

Choices I don’t want

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I’m at a cross roads, and I’m afraid of stepping on something vital. I’m at that point with my girlfriend where I either got to take a giant leap forward, or break away. She knows exactly what she wants, and doesn’t think she’d be as happy without it. What I want is still a mystery, but I’ve left her waiting long enough. There’s a little line drawn between what she wants most out of life . . . and what she fears most. I control where the ball lies.

I’m terrified of hurting her. She deserves better. I don’t want the choice. I don’t want that kind of power over someone’s happiness. Indecision may or may not be my problem.

It is a truly sad and somber night in Joshland . . . and that doesn’t happen all that often.

Reality?

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Wow. I just watched Vanilla Sky. It was more than a little mind-blowing. Definitely one of the better “reality isn’t what you think” movies. But I still prefer Dark City. It’s kind of late and I don’t have much else to write. So I think I’ll go to sleep. That is . . . unless I’m already asleep. Maybe I’m dreaming. Maybe none of this is true! How can I know any of the knowledge I posses is real? The senses can be fooled! What can I believe?

Wait a second. A friend once told me that if you can feel your underwear, then you exist. Let’s see . . . . . . . . wait a second. I can’t feel my underwear. I can’t feel my underwear!!! I don’t exist! Reality is . . . .

Oh wait…I’m not wearing any underwear.

That’s a load off.

I guess I’ll just get some sleep then.

Night.

9-1-1

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Today is the anniversary of a great tragedy and the felling of two giants. But what have I done to show my patriotism. I can’t say all that much. Then again, I did choose today to build my CD tower. That may not seem like much, but consider this; it was a double tower or twin tower if you will. Kind of auspicious huh?

. . . it must be late . . .

FIRST ENTRY

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[JOURNAL NOTE: These entries were taken from Ujournal, which died, and brought over to the newer, live journal account where I currently post. – Josh (11-7-04)]

Well, I am at the start of my Graduate studies and at the start of an internet journal. It would seem then that my first entry should be large and important . . . but I’m going to do the opposite. Instead I’ll just express a small, insignificant thing that happened to me today. Let’s see . . . ah yes, in the cafeteria today:

She refused my request of light and dark. I was flabbergasted. The sign said two pieces. The lunch lady reiterated that you could not have a piece of dark meat and light meat chicken. I asked why and she was surprised with my audacity. She said that the powers above here would not let it be. Apparently the dogma of the cafeteria had no room for duality, light and dark could not coexist on the same plate. And so, my pagan eating practices were not only frowned upon, but forbidden. In famished anguish I moved on down the line, scorned for my culinary heresy. I guess that makes me a Culinary Heretic. I’m sure that’s the name of some band, somewhere . . .

I’ll keep an eye out for their breakthrough CD . . .