You are Schroeder!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Lenore turns 3 months old today on lucky old 13. Three months and thirty mice and I need to find out how long she is. I downloaded a free and NIFTY PROGRAM that will let me measure Lenore accurately. All I need is a picture of her, from above, with a ruler in the frame and presto! I shall have a measurement tomorrow.

I recently picked up a couple of CD’s by FOLK UNDERGROUND – a fun little trio that plays traditional Celtic and folklore stuff as well as new things. Some of their songs are written by NEIL GAIMAN (currently my favorite living author), so that’s a bonus too. HERE’S AN ARTICLE on how they got together and their brand of music, “Dark Folk.”

I have their two albums Buried Things and Get Y’er Hands Off ‘Me Booty!. My favorite song is their signature tune called “Folk Underground,” written by Neil Gaiman:

You can listen to an audio sample of the song HERE.

And lastly…with my new phone, I finally am able to download the ringer I always wanted…the theme to Halloween. Oh…someone call me! Please-please-please-please-please!!!

I woke up this evening, not knowing where or when or who I was – like when you look in a mirror too long and the face becomes unrecognizable – the way a word transmutes to something alien when you say it too many times in a row.

I felt sick today and took a nap right after work (missing a Shakespeare class). But it was worth it. Much better (thanks for the words Karisa).

Now back to work…back to the fluid filled cauldron that is my plasma screen – keys and fingers here we go! I say work and I say words like “research.” But that’s the beauty of my program. When I say “research” I mean I’m looking through pages and dusty tombs and digital tombs for information on things like:

ASANBOSAM: A vampire found in Africa, known to the Ashanti of southern Ghana and the people from the Ivory Coast. A creature of general human shape with iron teeth and hook-like feet from which it hangs from trees in forests, scooping up and devouring travelers walking below…

MALAYSIA: And many of the blood-flesh-soul sucking things that reside in it’s ancient folklore. Things like the Bajang, Penanggalan, and Pelesit. As well as the disciplined and fearless magicians who have mastered the art of bottling up offending vampires.

PUMPKINS: Gypsies of the Balkans, particularly those of Muslim faith, thought that pumpkins, if left out later than ten days after Christmas, turn into a sort of rolling, growling vampire. Thank God for little punks and hoodlums who save our lives every year, by smashing pumpkins on Halloween.

Bits and pieces of research for a story I’m writing for class on Thursday, called “Vampire Jack.”

For a look at my other “vampire” story, my first published story, called “Varmints,” click HERE (the British webmagazine, Bloodlust UK, it’s about nine stories down the list).

And for another bit of writing, here’s a poem. I sometimes post bits of free-writing, but I don’t usually post finished works, because, technically speaking, that is considered publishing and many magazines want a first-time published story. Oh well. I won’t tell if you won’t. Some of you know this one (and are probably sick of it), but it will be knew to others. If you’re a fan of Poe or if you had a rough night at the dance clubs, then you should find something to relate too…

Coming-home-from-Home-coming and I haven’t posted in some time. So let us flicker-flash away the days and pick up that temporal slack to a present strain…

Went to the stomping ground campus of yore. Got to my bro, Nick’s, dorm. Here I opened his door. Beer was here…and much, much more. I drank, and drank some more. I’d be listlessly lying for denying that it made me sore. Bad parody of Poe…nevermore!

Ok, that’s out of my system. I stayed with Nick in the Sig house. And his fraternity brothers were very accommodating. I never was much of a frat guy while at Eureka…but they made me welcome enough. Magic tricks, super Nintendo, air hockey, and many a beer.

Wednesday – chant skits. Had some fun.

Thursday – theatre night. Had fun watching the skits. Met up with Torrie and Wil and others. Partied a bit. Walked with Torrie in the Rain. Danced with Torrie in the rain (but she did a fine job describing the scene). We crossed paths with a black…salamander (a Tiger Salamander to be exact). They are big, slow salamanders you can pick up off the ground. So we got to examine him/her for a bit, before depositing it back in the mud. I like the rain and Torrie likes the rain and it was a nice night.

Friday – Oh…..God….what happened Friday…having days off from work and school and staying in a strange frat house has a way of blurring the hours into days together. Uh…stuff happened…I recall tug of war…I think I may have been in Rich’s room briefly…late…

Saturday – I slept through the parade but watched the football game. We lost. Met up with Torrie again. Saw a few other familiar faces…as well as the Red Devil himself! That night, I went with Kris and Wil to the Labyrinth (didn’t know we had one…didn’t know it doesn’t have to have walls). I guess the Chaplin put it up as a medative place to physically and metaphysically traverse the soul in some sort of preternatural walk-about. We sat by it and drank rum in the dark. THIS WAS VERY FUN! This definitely has to become a ritual if it hasn’t already. Kris gave me a neck rub (THANK YOU THANK YOU KRIS!…I give many neck rubs but almost never get ANY in return, and even less by people who know how). We talked of many things…including naked fingers. Then – all to the bowling alley party. More drinking and fun and Wil proved the power of my fedora, like some kind of Blues Brother’s stud on the dance floor. I enjoyed my newly repaired neck.

Sunday – Nick and I made a trek to sweet home Chicago to visit the below mentioned art exhibit of Daina (who has expressed interest in doing artwork for my thesis). It was at SCHIZOCLUB. A cool place – they even have a hookah room. Daina’s art is great and I think it will work well with my words. In fact…the feeling is mutual and now (Joy of Joy’s) I get my first solo, public reading, down in an art gallery in Chicago. MARK YOUr CALLENDERS – I’ll be reading at Schizoclub on Sunday, October 24th while Daina shows her work (time is TBA). It’s October, they want to do some Halloween type stuff, and so my stories are very in season – very ripe. Yum…

Look Ma! I’m part of the Chicago underground art world!

Now I’m back…I had planned on being a little more eloquent with this entry….but I don’t feel well (not much rest in the last week)…so I shall go to bed. But…first…here is the updated mouse death count…as Lenore has struck again!

LENORE’S DEATH COUNT: Hey boy and girls! Jerry says, “Tom is a f*%k$@g pussy compared to Lenore. She’s taken out 30 mice already. That’s mass murder! I think she’s gunning for me next kids…I wouldn’t be surprised if she takes out that jack ass Tom for dessert.”

You are the color pink. As a beautiful and sweet
human, you are everybody’s favorite person.
Healthy and energetic, you’re often seen
spreading the happines. As an unusually
charming and sweet person, you’re always ready
to comfort people who are down. You sympathize
with everyone, but not always yourself. Aside
from that, you are light-hearted and cheery.
And you make it your duty to make every cloud
have

What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate–with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Ugh…you know in animal shows, when they enter the bat cave, catch a little fuzzy bat, during it’s day time slumber, and then shine some brighter-than-the-sun halogen bulb on it for the camera, and the tiny, scrunched up face, of the little flying mammal, explodes into a hideous toothy, wide-mouthed grimace?

That’s how I feel.

Due to some loop in the UIS employment rules, one of the girls that works at my box office has to take a break (she has too many hours). Thus it falls to me, to fill in during the day…meaning mornings. The ticket office is very accommodating to my hours…so I’ve only slid further into nocturnal living (getting most of my writing work and other chores done between the hours of 1am to sunup). Well…my night time biorhythms are pretty set and I can’t seem to change them…so…for the time being…I’m getting no sleep…and it makes me loopy.

Work and work and then Shakespeare class till late. I came back to my room to unwind. And how do you unwind Josh? Thanks for asking, disembodied voice I just made up. I unwind by handling a rare and endangered SERPENT while listening to Led Zeppelin (at least that’s what I did tonight). Holding a snake (all gutter minded jokes aside) is a great and unique tactile experience that would be hard to explain to the non-reptile initiated. Soothing…

All right…let’s get to brass tacks here…my weakened state can’t keep me from getting to the true purpose of this journal entry…

October is here and I like to celebrate the whole month. Put all of your metaphorical eggs into one night and it’ll never live up to the expectations. But a month…

So, below is a list of some of the scheduled Halloween activities going down this month. Below that will be a list of non-scheduled activities. Pick, choose, contact me…and by all means, add to it (let me know).

-Oct 6-9th (Wed-Sat) I’ll be in Eureka for Homecoming. So…for the Eureka contingent, I’ll be around for some of those non-scheduled activities (when not doing Homecoming stuff).

-Oct 10th (Sunday): OK – this isn’t really Halloween…but kind of cool. Over the summer I met a surrealist artist in Chicago. We ended up liking a lot of the same cultural and pop-cultural stuff. She liked my short stories. She also liked the idea of my epic poem (my thesis) and agreed to do some artwork for the book. This means when I do my final reading of my project, come April, it will be a larger event (a reading and an art show…and I’ll get the art studio to do the reading, instead of a little classroom and invite many people…cause…unlike many of the other writing students, I’m an attention whore). Anyway…on Sunday, I will drive up to Chicago to see the artist’s latest art exhibit. It’s at Schizoclub Gallery (2054 West Chicago) in Ukrainian Village in Chicago during the East Village Arts Walk on Oct 9th & 10th 12pm – 7pm (MORE INFO). Her name is Daina and her website HERE. Anyone up north wanting to meet me there (or come up with me from Eureka) is welcome.

-Oct 16 (Saturday): Ghost stories at Volo Bog (7-9pm). Volo bog is a real, quaking bog, near my home up north. They’ve started doing ghost stories there every year, with professional storytellers. It’s fun, the dress the place up nice…and it’s at a real bog (good setting). This is more for you folks up North…however, anyone down here in central IL who wants to road trip with me home (I’ll be returning that Sunday) is welcome. Anyone interested, please contact me ASAP as I have to call in and register by this Friday, Oct. 8th.

-Oct 17 (Sunday): Ghost tour in Alton. Going on a walking ghost tour with Torrie, Jeramie, and Amy and others. Sorry…tickets sold out for this one…

-Oct 18 (Monday): It’s come to my attention that Eureka has some sort of movie club and that they will show a double feature (NOSFERATU and SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE) with a discussion afterwards. I shall be in town for that.

-Oct 30 (Saturday): Amy and Jeramie’s Halloween party. I think this needs little introduction. Amy and Jeramie through great parties. Jeramie is a bartender and a half. Amy and he put up kick ass decorations…and now they have a whole house to have it in. Costumes party (bring costume!). Now…they haven’t sent out an official email, so I reserve to the right to be wrong about all this…but I’m fairly certain that this is the date and that it is on.

Those are the scheduled events. Here are some non schedueled goodies for filler. I’ll be in Eureka this weekend for whatever. The weekend of the 22-24th is wide open as well. Not to mention the Friday before Halloween and Halloween itself (I imagine I will by in the Eureka area since I’ll be at Amy and Jeramie’s party on the 30th). Here are some thoughts…

-HORROR MOVIE NIGHT AT PRITCHARD THEATRE: OK my Eureka compatriots…we need to figure out a night. That big screen TV – loads of horror movies – maybe some ghost stories – maybe some eerie lighting – maybe popcorn. Can I have an Amen!

-BACHELOR’S GROVE CEMETERY: This is one of the most notorious haunt sites in the state. There are stories with everything from killer ghosts, to swamp creatures, to a materializing mansion. It’s an unused, pretty much totaled cemetery…not easy to get to…but I and a few others have been there before. I’d like to go back (when it’s not dead of winter). More info on the place ENTER.

-VAMPIRE TAG: Several years ago, I came across the RULES for “Vampire Tag” on the internet. I still have them on my computer…and have yet to play. This is the kind of game of tag meant to be played by folks our age, in the middle of the night, running around some playground, like little kids. I vow to play this year! But I need a decent sized group of like minded crazies…hey Eureka Crowd!

-GHOST STORIES: It’s free…all it takes is a group of people, and the proper local…

-So that’s what I’ve got. Please feel free to add…just put suggestions in the comment box. Here are some websites that list stuff in Illinois: CHICAGO METROMIX – HALLOWEEN (this website has all sorts of parties and activities in the Chicagoland area) and HAUNTED HEARTLAND (this is the guide to haunted attractions in Central IL) and HAUNTED ILLINOIS (general list of IL haunted attractions). Take a look. Compare notes.

And finally…a great, online place to get Halloween supplies is FRIGHT CATALOG.

Busy again, tonight, doing the work I need to do so I can screw around in Eureka for Homecoming. Sooooooo…here’s some poetry. They’re even in season.

“UNDER MY BED”
Bedtime comith, bedtime gone
glass of water drunken, glass of water gone
mother wished pleasant dreams, mother gone
the digital clock ticks and tocks
the coming dawn
and I can’t sleep

What can I say, a boy’s gotta sleep.

Busy with thesis writing, writing and now sleeping, and if I’m really productive, writing while I sleep. So few words here my friends. But I may as well throw some more fiction scraps on the fire. I sketched this down one night, when I was alone, up at home, and I heard a pack of coyote’s howl which was infinitely different than hearing a lone animal – which I had. I thought of the river behind our house and a bridge and a lonely soul and…

“RIVER AND HOWLS”
I was at the brink and cries for help seemed too predictable and adolescent. The water whispered cold and harsh things beneath the bridge in languages I felt I now understood; the way every bitter love song suddenly holds one’s empathy after they’re dumped.

I’d like to say my epiphany was a realization of a joy for life…but I discovered a fear of death and things beyond.

October is here…full of cinnamon winds and long shadows. But before we get to the rejuvenating revelry and the weirdest month…I just read a web comic. It’s a strip, warning kids about what Halloween “really” is. Here’s the link: DEVIL’S NIGHT

Go ahead…read it. I feel a rant coming on and my words won’t make as much sense otherwise…

…read it? OK. I’m just going to ramble (but I’ll try to do it with a modicum of eloquence)…

FEAR isn’t a good emotion with which to base an important decision on (spiritual or temporal). And yet that’s what the pamphlet uses as it’s medium. Sudden, paranoid fear – not using positive emotions of love or enlightenment to draw folk to it, but more like “evil things are going to get you…quick…jump in…don’t think about it…”

What’s more, it uses the fear of children, particularly vulnerable to boogie-man and guilt tactics (very adult). Now…I won’t take this journal to go ahead and say the devil is a boogey man and doesn’t exist. What I mean are these comic book’s “boogie-man” tactics of conjuring, in the minds eye, monsters and demons behind every shadow, every piece of candy, every costume. I’ll give example –

The girls talk about all the “witches” that sacrifice animals and children in order to cast rituals to serve Satan (never mind that animal sacrifices play a part in Christian/Judeo theology…and, as I recall, almost one human sacrifice). I can’t say that sacrifices never happen (I can’t account for the statistics of the occasional crazy). However, it is not the main course of the merriment celebrated by those who celebrate Halloween. Most towns (my own included) have their vague stories of a dog or a cat that got sacrificed not so long ago (it’s always a year or two ago…no matter how many years later you hear the tale). When every town has a similar tale, always witnessed by someone who knew someone (the person you talk to is never the one to have seen it), it’s usually an urban legend (these follow the same basic laws of word of mouth physics as old fables and fairy tales of the old country). This comic “boogey-man’s” these common urban stories by just stating that it does in fact, happen and happen often. State something like that (especially an urban myth) as factually as that and then someone says, “yeah…that happened to a friend of mine” or “I read that in the New York Times (they probably never did…but they think they remember reading it somewhere and so just say that rather than explain further….or maybe a relative said they read it there, but never did…and so on…and you see where facts leave the picture quickly).

Now throw in children always disappear before every Halloween and that they are surely sacrificed by Halloween Witches. Now…let’s take this sentence apart with a critical thinking scalpel. First…what facts does the writer of this comic have? He knows that children disappear before Halloween. OK. He assumes what happens to them…so lets cut that piece off (snip). Now…let’s take the actual fact. It is true, children do disappear before every Halloween. However, it omits part of the truth. Children disappear before every Halloween because children disappear every freaking month! It happens all the time and it is usually a separated parent who wants custody or a pervert…no rituals…no devil worship.

This use of a half-fact only serves as a prelude to the writer’s research. Religious recruiters can’t always be bothered with good research (faith being the important thing). The little girls in the comic discuss the pagan rituals of “old England.” One girl mentions that there was a night (proto-Halloween) where the souls of the dead come back and terrorize their poor, godless family members. The writer is correct, there are many such nights in many such cultures. What he did not look up (or purposefully omitted) is that in almost all cultures that have a day that dead family members come back to visit their family – it is a celebration of happiness, either the dead come back as guardian angels to protect family members or share wisdom or it gives family a chance to remember what was lost. The writer uses his bit of Christian-Logic™ that says that if it isn’t a Christian ritual it is bad – so of course the spirits of the dead came back terrorize the families (why else would they?). The writer doesn’t take into account how many of these cultures don’t have the same fearful look at the dead and death (funny…since Christianity is supposed to be about paradise awaiting one after life, that they should fear the dead so much). In fact, many Latin cultures celebrate the Day of the Dead (which is pretty much what I described above) and they are very Catholic (notice no dissected cats). The writer’s research resembles the fact gathering of an unscrupulous media reporter – grab just enough facts that are juicy…don’t concern yourself with the ones that weigh down the story or make it less captivating.

Also note that part of Halloween comes from a Christian practice (many Christian rituals, being derived from older pagan ones) of dressing up like saints and angels (sometimes devils) and walking about the town.

There are also a sprinkling of statements for added fun. “Halloween pulls kids into witchcraft.” You are reading the journal of the BIGGEST fan of Halloween in the free world and I have never (and never plan to) sacrifice a cat or child…I have many friends who like Halloween and I don’t know one witch, let alone the animal sacrificing kind. Of course, I like Halloween which means I’m a witch which means I’m certainly lying about this…in fact, that child abduction you read about last week was me…the thing about a separated father nabbing the kid was just a clever cover story placed by high ranking Satanists…and that cat that used to wander around your town, the one that disappeared, I cut it up with a razor while singing backwards Beatle’s lyrics, naked, my body covered in Lime Jell-O (Bill Cosby is also a Satanist).

I like how the comic lumps spiders along with demons and ghosts as “ugly” things (an eight legged, living creature…and who created those?).

Now the comic ends with a choice: A and B (no other options) either you follow Jesus or you celebrate Halloween and worship the Devil. It leaves out the logic leap of why celebrating Halloween worships the devil. It gives the bible quote that says you should believe in Jesus…but there’s no quote saying Halloween is evil (not unless you mean indirectly and with a nice stretch of interpretation). Well of course someone is going to choose A and not the Devil. But that is the psychology of the question. Ask it straight away and forcefully, make the choice now. Look in what’s in my hands (and not behind my back). Never mind the logic jump. Tell them what you want them to see…

I know a little something about magic tricks, sleight of hand, pick pocketing and the strategy of the con. The interesting thing, for me, about all those activities is that the fundamentals and philosophy are the same – palming, misdirection, showing point A and C so audience doesn’t even see point B, sizing up a mark. It’s all the same, whether you’re vanishing a quarter, making someone look the other way, taking their belt, convincing them of something that didn’t’ happen, or leading around an impressionable mind. It’s interesting that the same tactics (at there base form) work well with certain types of evangelism.

The same people, usually will tell you that the Devil’s greatest trick was convincing man that he does not exist. I say the devil’s best trick is over convincing people he’s real, until they see him behind every decision, shadow, and impulse, every enjoyment – until they are made to hate their base, “animal,” selves. When fear and self-hate become theology…that’s when the arch-demon laughs his truly satisfied cackle.

I’ve never been a fan of “that thing simply IS evil” side of spiritualism. I was fed it, as a boy, by my grandmother (who, despite this rant, I love deeply). This was evil and that was evil and never mind why. For example:

“Grandma can buy that board game?”
”No, it’s fantasy…that’s magic and devil worship. That’s evil.”
“But I don’t understand…it doesn’t do anyone any harm.”
“That’s how the devil works dear.”

Never mind that modern fantasy, as a genre, owes most of its existence to J.R.R. Tolkien who was himself a MEGA Christian and who helped C.S. Lewis (one of the biggest Christian authors and intellectuals of the 20th century) to come back to Christianity as an adult.

By this “evil contracts through cooties” theory, I can convince someone in turn that a bicycle with a banana seat is evil:

“You can’t ride that bike anymore…it’s evil and witchcraft.”
“But Josh, it doesn’t seem evil…I just ride the bike…it doesn’t cause harm.”
“That’s how the Devil works. It seems innocent and doesn’t cause any apparent harm…but all the while Satan is shooting evil up your rectum.”
“But…I like riding my bike. I really enjoy it.”
“Pleasure is tainted – the Devil is only tempting you with the enjoyment you feel. But I guess…I’ll just leave it up to you. It’s your choice. Is riding your bike more important than God? Choose. Either ride your bike or believe in Jesus.”

You’ll note I was brought up Catholic and we are the UNDISPUTED masters of the guilt trip.

No…for me I think evil is as evil does. Yes, evil can be a subtle influence (that first hit of coke…that first crime…etc.), but real evil is actual evil. Genocide, rape, and torture are evil…a pumpkin with a candle in it is not evil, certinly not “just because.”

But it brings us back to the con. The magic trick. The writer sized up his mark, children, and they are indeed an open target. Then the misdirection, the palming, and the snatch and he makes kids afraid and guilty of a very innocent and childlike thing – running around, with friends, in funny clothes, collecting candy. A comic strip that speaks out against an “ugly” holiday of “fear” by using fear tactics itself.

I will say this for the comic though…it had one pretty positive thing in it. The girls decide to give trick or treaters little comic strips explaining their stance. They turned a perceived negative into a positive. A very healthy tactic and outlook…but the only one I saw in the whole piece. Of course those were comics passed out to scare other little kids into religion…

Ah…but this is NOT a rant against Christianity or religion (despite appearances). Some of the best Halloween parties I’ve had were at my old church. One of the wisest men I knew was a priest. It’s more a rant against those who value faith to the total exclusion of common sense or critical thought. One without the other is like a kid playing with a gun and both cases, eventually leads to someone (maybe the user or someone standing next to them) to loose their brains

Ah…but this subject is making me bitter…being bitter makes me blunter, less clever. I’m at my best with sarcasm, laughter, and sardonic grins. Better to ridicule and laugh at the evils we perceive. It was in fact, Martin Luther who said:

“The bet way to drive out the devil, if he will not yield to texts of Scripture, is to jeer and flout him, for he cannot bear scorn.”

And it was Thomas More who said:

“The devil…the prowde spirite…cannot endure to be mocked.”

So on that note…go out and have a fun Halloween! Put on some horns and laugh at the devil instead of hiding in your home afraid of evil candy.

This was where I was going to list the schedule of fun events coming up this month…but this post is already way too freaking long (so I’ll do it in my next post). Speaking of which, Rich (and fellow Eureka folk) we need to pick a night to watch scary movies in Pritchard with that wonderful new TV.

OK. Goodnight folks.

I’m going to go sacrifice a cat…

…hope they have more grape flavored ones…

Oh sweet vindication, thy name is SHORT FICTION WRITING CLASS!

I haven’t been posting as regularly…so let’s make this a meaty one.

First of all, tonight’s writing class went well (they usually do). Some may recall (several posts back) that I recently completed a short story (for class) that I had not been able to get down on paper (at least in total) for at least two years (a monstrous merging of Poe, Oedipus Rex, and Jerry Springer). Well…when you make something like that and finally force yourself to shove it on paper…you retain doubts after handing it in. But I got it back today…and received 100% (the second one I’ve gotten in my college writing career)! Now…high grades aren’t anything new in this class (we’re only there because the teacher likes our writing anyway). But 100 percent on a subjective thing…well…I think I deserve a little smile. I read back on the story…and I do like it (a relief)…I hadn’t touched it since I turned it in. I think it’s the most messed up story I’ve written.

Then we had some exorcises. It had to do with perspective. It involved three steps, three paragraphs, each taking on a new perspective of the same event [you kids can get out your pens and play along at home].

First paragraph – write a first person account of either a sporting event or a car accident. I decided to do both…

My first thought as the glass splinters and screams, is, “My eyes!” My second thought is, “What just caused this accident? A meteor from the sky? The hand of God?” My third thought, as I look at the light pole now enveloped in the indented mouth where the engine used to live, is, “I’m alive.” My fourth thought is relief at having my second thought answered by the homerun baseball I spy imbedded in what is left of my windshield, and knowing, even though the radio was battered beyond commission, that the Cubs were ahead by one run.

Second paragraph – write about the first paragraph, from a different perspective…

I used to like to squish people’s heads. It’s easy! You just close one eye and pinch two fingers together whenever a person goes by. But I’m nine years old today so I thought I should get a promotion. I wanted to squish a car. I used my whole hand. A car came by and my hand squeezed. Then BAM! It crashed and some one screamed and I cried and cried and cried…my mom asked me what was wrong and when I was ready to talk I promised never to squish another head ever again.

Third paragraph – write about the same incident, from a second hand account…

I gotta get off this beat. An accident. OK. I get there. No one’s hurt. Good. But this guy…this guy’s car is totaled and he’s smiling like a cat that just pissed on your pillow. Car’s ruined but he’s grinnin’ all Cheshire. Go Cubs. Well it’s a mess a big freaking obstacle in the way of everyone leaving Wriggly and it’s hours and hours of mess. Might not have been as bad except this kid kept crying to me, confessing to five, maybe six counts of head squashing. I gotta get off this beat.

In Lenore news, I’ve finally tamed the beast. Took a little patience and careful rearing of this now delicate creature, but my little indigo snake is OK with being held. She never tried to bite or anything…but she definitely saw me as a predator (which most hatchling reptiles do). Now she doesn’t care, sits in my hands, explores the oddities of my room. She’s fun and very alert and attentive and has the closest thing to a personality that I’ve seen in any snake.

Another thing about owning indigos, about rearing an endangered animal. It puts you in a sort of status bracket for those in the know. People with snakes constricting the brain. It would be spooky if I didn’t get a thrill out of it. But every pet shop I go to, inevitably, there is a guy/gal who obviously knows more about reptiles than some of the other employees and they ask me what I’m purchasing dead mice for. I’m always tempted to say for my own personal use…but I tell the truth. Then, there eyes widen with the respect you give to some old kunfu master with a long white beard and they go, “Wooooow.”

It’s weird…then they give you knowing looks every time you walk into their shops. It’s like FIGHT CLUB…I expect to bring my stuff to the cashier and them saying, “No sir…on the house…your money is no good here.”

At Petco there is a cute cashier with blue eyes…and she’s real impressed. “I’m real impressed,” she said, “I’m really into snakes…I know.” Thump-thump goes the heart. And I find myself going to Petco more regularly than the other places and though I tell myself that the reason is because they always have frozen mice on sale…the real reason is more likely two and blue.

And……….oh…….fine……..I filled out that questionere thing going ‘round everyone’s journals. That is…if you’re still with me.

Have you ever . . .
(X) been drunk
(_) vomited because of it
(X) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(_) kissed a member of the same sex
(_) crashed a friend’s car
(_) been to Japan
(X) ridden in a taxi
(X) been in love
(X) been dumped
(_) gone streaking
(X) shoplifted
(X) been fired
(X) been in a fist fight
(_) snuck out of my parent’s house
(X) watched a porno
(X) made out Spiderman style
(_) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(_) ever dated someone of the same sex
(X) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(_) been involved in an affair
(_) been arrested
(X) gotten a stranger’s number
(_) made out with a stranger
(_) stole something from my job
(_) celebrated new years in time square
(_) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
(X) had a crush on a teacher
(_) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(X) been to Europe
(X) skipped school
(_) slept with a co-worker
(_) cut myself on purpose
(_) accidentally or purposefully shot someone with a BB gun
(_) been married
(_) gotten divorced
(_) had children
(_) seen someone die
(_) broken a bone
(_) recieved stitches
(X) been to Africa (I knew it would be worth it!!!)
(X) had a crush on one of my Live journal friends
(_) Punched a friend
(X) Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball
(_) Been to Canada
(_) Been to Mexico
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(_) Thrown up in a bar
(_) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(_) Eaten Sushi
(_) Been snowboarding
(X) Met someone in person from the internet
(X) Been moshing at a concert
(_) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
(_) taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself
(_) been in an abusive relationship
(_) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
(_) lost a child

— WTF —
57. Weridest place you’ve ever puked. I got nothing…
58. Craziest place you’ve ever gotten freaky. A dangerously fast, moving vehicle…and I’d do it again! Do you hear me world?
59. Grossest thing you’ve ever seen. Remember that scene from VAN WILDER with the dog with the huge testicles and the cream filled pastry….yeah…
60. Most disgusting thing you’ve ever eaten. One time this jerk delivered some cream filled pastries…
61. What’s that smell? Nothing! I just cleaned Lenore’s cage. It smells like a freaking…uh…clean room…I guess…