It’s the ME show, starring me!

30 Wednesday Mar 2005

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TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF – The Survey
Name: Joshua Alan Doetsch
Birthday: Arpil 28, 1979
Birthplace: I don’t remember. I was a freaking baby!
Current Location: Sringfield IL, specifically in my apartment…with no means of being anywhere else, at the moment, other than running.
Eye Color: dark
Hair Color: dark
Height: dark…er…5′ 10″
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right Handed
Your Heritage: Mixed. There’s German (last name is the big hint), supposedly some Native American (I don’t really know for sure, just rumor, and my Mom visited a reserve a youth and the locals kept asking her what tribe she was), a smattering of other genes, and my Mom’s side of the family apparently goes back to the Mayflower (William Bradford, the Pilgrims first governor, was my great x? grandfather).
The Shoes You Wore Today: Are laceless. You silly sods! Wasting all that time tying your shoes. The time adds up. And with my growing advantage I shall conquer the world!
Your Weakness:
Your Fears: There is a possessed doll, on the Island of Key West, named Robert. I made fun of him when I met him at the museum display. He scares me…
Your Perfect Pizza: delivered by a cute pizza girl who asks about my “disturbed” necklace
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Write an epic poem.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: “Josh, the restraining order extends to contact over the internet.” Well…I hear it allot anyway.
Thoughts First Waking Up: hmmm…nice night
Your Best Physical Feature: Well, I’m often told I have very “healthy” or “sexy” hair. Stylists usually tell me they are jealous. Girls like running their hands through it (I don’t mind this). Also, for my level of fitness, I have prodigiously strong leg/calve muscles. They just came with the body. Now that I’m running they’ve gotten better. At the gym, I’m almost out of weights on the leg machines. The huge muscle guys, though much larger than I, never have calve muscles as developed. I think I could lie down and lift a car…uh…with my legs that is. If only I could spread that to my upper body…
Your Bedtime: Just after Dracula starts to sweat – just before the rooster reaches the third crow.
Your Most Missed Memory: Living with my old EC buddies in Langston. Childhood trick or treat sessions rank up there too.
Pepsi or Coke: Depends. Coke is a sunny picnic, sporting even, drink mixing beverage. Pepsi is a late night, 14 hour video game session, long road trip drink. My pallet is a protean thing, me thinks.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Taco Bell – raping a culture’s culinary heritage one Chalupa at a time.
Single or Group Dates: harem
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: rum
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate (taste) – vanilla (scent)
Cappuccino or Coffee: CAFFEINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you Smoke: Cigars, occasionally. Less occasionally is a cigarette, smoked like a cigar, mostly as a bar prop and a handy excuse to practice a little sleight of hand and crafty chicanery to drunk people everywhere.
Do you Swear: yes…what…you expecting me to cleverly drop a swear into my answer? That it? I won’t do it. I won’t give you the sick satisfaction…oh sh…ah…got ya.
Do you Sing: In the car…occasionally at karaoke.
Do you Shower Daily: yes…why? What did they tell you?
Have you Been in Love: yes
Do you want to go to College: yes…I may never stop
Do you want to get Married: maybe
Do you belive in yourself: Yes…I’m afraid that if I didn’t, I might fade away.
Do you get Motion Sickness: No. I like motion.
Do you think you are Attractive: At night. Not in the day.
Are you a Health Freak: No. But I have started running alot. I can’t stop. I have to run to sleep.
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes. I still go to bars/concerts with them every so often.
Do you like Thunderstorms: YES. Turbulent weather turns me on. You can see, touch, feel, hear it…hits all the senses. “Josh, that tornado is coming right for you. Run!!!” “I can’t…I’ve got too big of an erection!”
Do you play an Instrument: Why yes I…oh…literally. I started fooling around with a base guitar I got a couple Christmas’s ago.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes. And that’s a horribly composed sentence.
In the past month have you Smoked: yes (I think)
In the past month have you been on Drugs: no
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Let me check with my secretary and I’ll get back to you.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no
In the past month have you been on Stage: yes
In the past month have you been Dumped: …what day of the week is it?
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no…it’s cold…but when it warms…
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: yes
Ever been called a Tease: yes
Ever been Beaten up: yes
Ever Shoplifted: yes
How do you want to Die: not in the plans
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I don’t want to grow up. I just want to be.
What country would you most like to Visit: Launch me out of an international catipult. I’d have some interest in the place I land.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: I don’t really have a preconceived notion of the girls I want to meet. Case by case…
Favourite Hair Color: see above
Short or Long Hair: see above
Height: big boobs!………I mean…….see above
Weight: Far better to err on the side of curves. What the hell is with runway models? The bodies of ten year old boys do not attract me. Wasn’t there a time when straight men had a say in what was attractive in women?
Best Clothing Style: without…hehe…had to say it
Number of Drugs I have taken: Caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, marijuana, absinthe
Number of CDs I own: A handful. Most of my music is electronic.
Number of Piercings: none
Number of Tattoos: None, but shopping around for one.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Overly meditating on past pains or glories (or the future) slows us down in the present. The present is motion. We are most ourselves when we are in motion, in transition. Drop the baggage and twirl!
CREATE YOUR OWN! – or – GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Happy Easter From a Little Room…

27 Sunday Mar 2005

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“The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.”
-John Milton, Paradise Lost

OK, Lucy, we’ll try it your way. Leave it to the devil to make a great comment on the imagination. I’ve definitely had to put it to the test today. Success is case by case, coming up Heaven and coming up Hell. Either way, you talk to yourself a lot.

Like water moving through Kashmir…

27 Sunday Mar 2005

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Discipline
Craft
Preplanning

I’d been trying to integrate those things into my living and writing lately. I’ve always been more Lazy, Intuitive, and Chaotic. Never a plan, certainly not a regimen or schedule. Not disciplined, certainly, but I always seemed to make it work.

But I thought I could improve that…thoughts of graduating and real world made me think to improve. Join the ranks…

But that was a mistake. Thoughts of “real world” and realistic scenarios have never gotten me the things I’ve wanted. But a little discipline and scheduling…that should have made things better, should have made me more responsible. But it didn’t work. I haven’t gotten anything more done (maybe even less). I’ve been freezing up, less flexible, creativity stagnating. Hell, even my recent improv acting felt stiff.

I don’t recommend this…but I’m throwing out the whole discipline/planning shtick (I’m sure it works for more steadier souls than I).

The old way…no plan, all intuitive, worked. It shouldn’t have worked. It made me a little crazy, sometimes, juggling it all – it made me a little absent minded – it made all practical aspects of my life suffer (late credit card payments, late sending portfolios to Grad schools, not studying for the GRE, etc.) – and yet, I’d come out red eyed but happy on the other side (credit still somehow at 0%, in a fine writing program, with GOOD scores on my GRE, thank you very much).

God, I used to be so much more fluid!

Fluid

Flowing lazily…but quickly when I needed to. Obstacles were just challenges and challenges were laughable and laughter needed no other motivation than to be uttered, long and loud. Problems used to just roll off of me, like water drops on a kick ass, waterproof, cashmere long coat (this thing is awesome, you can poor a whole cup of water on it and it doesn’t soak in…they even demonstrated at the store).

Lately, problems have been hitting me like bricks and I don’t have any give, I just crack, and viscous stuff flows out.

Not anymore.

Fluid

I’m not sure what my malfunction for scheduled discipline was. Maybe it’s that once you plan your days, you map out your weeks and months, and then years become dots on a time line and you can see death in the distance and NeverNeverLand disappears in the rear view mirror.

When you live moment to moment, in the now, the days are long and the nights are endless…